WORDS IN HIGH DEF

2010-06-06T06:01:00.001-07:00

Please visit my new site at http://www.dianemarkins.com/. There will be no new posts on this site.
Thanks!
Diane

My Body, My Responsibility

2010-05-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

* New posts will only be at WordsInHighDef.com as of June 1.

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." ~Doug Larson

Physicians and other health care professionals are a necessary and tremendously valuable resource. The average Jane isn't educated to distinguish pink eye from allergies or skin cancer from a hairy mole. We need those people. However, we also need to be our own advocates and do a bit of research about worrisome conditions. Those attending to our care are not infallible or omniscient. They are limited to treat and diagnose based upon A. The info we give them, B. What they observe and C. Their personal experience and training.

My mother-in-law had skin cancer removed from the back of her leg many years ago. There was a graft successfully in place for a long time but in the past couple years it's been opening up. She had a surgical repair a year ago but it never quite healed, despite expert wound care. The plastic surgeon told her they needed to repeat the surgery. When my MIL asked about the value of hyperbaric chamber treatments he was very dismissive but said she could give it a try if she wanted to. She researched, scheduled and underwent a series of treatments. Everyone agreed that it might expedite healing in the upcoming procedure. The day of surgery came and when the doc saw her (before the IV was in place!), he announced that the wound was completely healed and there was no need for surgery. He was surprised and pleased, admitting doctors don't always know best.

My husband had intensely sharp pains in his leg and after a couple days went to a physical therapist. He was evaluated and sent on to an MD. The doctor examined his leg, poking and prodding. He asked good questions to rule out serious conditions and decided that a round of prednisone would be the best place to start. He wanted to decrease inflammation then recheck. None too excited about this medication, my husband stopped by a chiropractor's office. He was given an evaluation and treatment. The pain has not returned and steroids were not involved in his recovery.

I had numbness in my leg and after trying a few things the doc sent me to physical therapy but also wanted me to undergo a painful nerve study. The therapist respectfully disagreed, asking me to give his treatment time before taking that next step. It's been weeks but the numbness is slowly receding and I'm getting correction for a back problem I had just learned to live with.

When my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer, she researched every option and settled on a plan that incorporated traditional and natural treatments, not blindly following the advice of one person but insisting they work together for the best of both worlds. She remains cancer-free.

These are just a few personal examples of why we shouldn't simply follow orders like sheep. While I know that researching conditions on the internet can "give us just enough info to make us dangerous" I also know that I'd rather know the right questions to ask. When painful, expensive or risky treatment is prescribed, a second opinion is always wise. This is your body. You own it and God expects good stewardship. Qualified health care professionals appreciate it too.

Has there been a time you've not followed a doctor's advice? (This isn't doctor bashing time, this is self-responsibility and awareness stories...love ya docs!) Comment at WordsInHighDef.com
Diane Markins

Marriage Longevity Requires Good Humor

2010-05-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

"Laugher is the closest distance between two people." Comedian Victor Borge

"I love how you still think he's so funny after all these years." This is a comment I hear on a regular basis from my friends about my husband, Brad. Don't get me wrong, most of them think he's funny but they don't have to listen to him all the time. I believe it's one of the most affirming compliments we could get about our marriage. It always comes when I'm not expecting it, but have just stopped giggling over some stupid thing he's said. I look over and Marilynn (Lavona, Marlene, Chris, Bev, Paula...the list goes on) utters that remark with admiration.

There are so many critical elements and skills that keep a marriage alive: love, respect, forgiveness, patience, kindness and physical affection to name only a few. But shared humor and laughter top the list. If you can still laugh together all those other things will be by-products. It's impossible to remain angry with someone when they're making you laugh. When they're working to make you smile because they care about your happiness, it demonstrates love. And for me, there's nothing sexier than sharp wit.

My husband shared his secret with me a while ago. Sometimes he doesn't feel like kidding around, especially when he walks in and I'm clearly not smiling. I may even snap at him because the cat brought in another lizard or the computer went down. Yet he knows that he has the choice, in those first few moments to act or react. If he ignores my mood, not snapping in return--and says something funny, I almost always come around to a lighter mood. For years I was unaware of his intentional effort and the awareness he had of my attitude. Talk about being attentive, sensitive and humble! He know he has the power to set the tone for (and sometimes salvage) our whole evening.

We all have this ability if we approach relationships sacrificially. When our minds are on our own challenges and focus is inward, it's impossible to be the leader and pace-setter in our intimate relationships. As we learn Brad's secret formula: taking the pulse of our partner, setting our own "stuff" aside, then deliberately infusing a dose of humor, we gain a tremendous advantage.

I hope this works for you. It's still working for us...we're celebrating our 31st anniversary on May 26th.
Do you agree that laughter and humor are hugely significant in marriage? What other secrets have you learned for relationship longevity? Share comments and see our wedding photo at WordsInHighDef.
Diane Markins

Don't Mix Politics With...Well, ANYTHING!

2010-05-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

"Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule." Friedrich Nietzsche

Politics should stand alone. Politics and sports, politics and religion, politics and entertainment...even politics and (many) friendships should not be paired up. This was crystallized in my mind last week when my beloved Phoenix Suns took a public stand on a controversial issue. Management and players were quoted taking positions opposing recent state legislation regarding illegal immigration. Then, this week Nancy Pelosi urged clergy leaders to do the same.

Regardless of your opinion on this, or any other issue, my point is that politics should remain apart from all else. As a Suns fan, we already love our team. They can't improve our devotion by taking a political stance. However, they do risk losing our affectionIf they publicly oppose our politics. This is a no-win for teams. Fans prefer that they play ball, not politics. When they retire they can be politicians. (Right Barkley?)

There is no law prohibiting clerics from preaching political ideologies, and in fact many do. Our constitution does, however, separate church and state. If Ms. Pelosi decides to address religious leaders, she should encourage and inspire them, not push a divisive political agenda. Each of us is so blessed to live in this great country where our place of worship is a personal choice. I'd be the first one to demonstrate this freedom if my pastor used the pulpit on Sundays to prescribe political allegiances. My seat would be vacant and I'd begin searching for a new church that preached about life, God's love and character—allowing congregants to derive their own political affiliations.

Some people can easily separate a wonderful singer or actor from his/ her radical (loudly proclaimed) politics. I find that difficult. The entertainment experience is significantly diminished because I can't erase the sound bite from last week's news. I applaud celebrities for doing good works in the community and the world, but spouting politics isn't as admirable or universally productive.

I think it's ridiculous, if not dangerous, to have only like-minded friends. A lively debate over social issues can be fun and invigorating, but it can also cause hurt feelings and ruined relationships. If done with grace and a watchful eye, we can share opposing views with friends, but there is always a risk. It's probably wiser to keep these topics to a minimum and steer back to things we can agree on, like sports...unless that gets political too!

Do you think it's effective or helpful to mix politics with anything else? Please post comments at new site. click here

Mother's Day: Lessons in Letting Go

2010-05-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

From the moment a child is born his mother begins her journey to let go...
At least that's the way I see it.

Any good mom’s heart longs to cling to her child. Sometimes we have to be prodded to ease up a bit. Only when it becomes obvious that letting go is the best choice do we relax our iron grip… like the mother in 1 Kings 3: 16-27. As the story goes, two women brought a baby to Solomon. Each woman claimed the baby was her child. "Cut the baby in half and give half of the baby to each woman," Solomon said. "NO!" screamed the real mother, "Give her the baby. Do not kill him." Then Solomon knew who the real mother was because of the sacrificial way she loved the baby. He gave the baby to its real mother.

My son was only about six month old when I first started teaching him to “swim.” It was sort of a trend at that time to train babies to hold their breath, flip on their backs and float in a pool. Theoretically this would save them if they ever fell in unsupervised.

It sounds really dumb now, but I was a young mom and since there was a pool almost everywhere we went in Phoenix, I jumped in (pun fully intended) with both feet. Clutching the dearest thing in the world to me, I became paralyzed when the instructor said it was my turn to let him go in the water. She spoke to me like a small child learning to ride a bike. “You can do this…let go…he’ll be OK!”

With my heart thudding in my ears I finally pried my fingers away from his pudgy little body, blew in his face (so he’d inhale) and released him with a gentle shove toward the instructor. She retrieved him immediately and he emerged with a sputter and a giant grin back at me. Soon, the flip/role/float was mastered with great pride.

At age four I carefully taught him to ride a horse. When he was thrown in a field, my dad held me back from running to the rescue, instead insisting I help him back in the saddle to complete another lap. “This is a great life lesson,” Dad told me. “He’ll learn courage and not to fear failure if he gets right back up there.” I wanted to grab my little guy and flee, but I lifted him aboard that animal and told him to be brave. He grew to be cautiously bold… neither reckless nor fearful.

In high school my boy went away to work at a youth camp one summer. They were short-staffed so he was required to work long hours of labor with only one day off each week. He didn’t know anyone, was feeling isolated and exhausted and wanted to come home early. It broke my heart to hear him sound so sad and desperate on the phone, but my husband assured me it was best to make him stay. When he returned home, he thanked us and told us it was a wonderful and life-changing experience.

David taught his son, Solomon this less as well. "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.” 1 Chronicles 28: 20

Especially for mothers, the journey of parenting is an ongoing lesson of letting go. We innately want to protect and direct our kids away from pain, danger or discomfort. When they’re grown, these instincts don’t subside, but as we see our kids gain strength, wisdom and courage, it becomes increasingly clear that we must continually release them. It’s a little easier with the assurance that God never lets them go. Perhaps the Lord’s nudging you to relinquish a bit of the grip on your child. He may be saying, “Let go…you can do this…with me, he’ll be OK.”

And for those blessed enough to still have a mother, perhaps you need to extend an extra measure of grace when she holds a little too tightly. Especially on Mother’s Day, try to receive it as the expression of love it’s meant to be. “Her children rise up and bless her…” Proverbs 31:28
Comment and see a great picture at WordsInHighDef.com .
Diane Markins

* A special Happy Mother's Day wish to my daughter-in-law who will begin her journey in July when their first baby arrives.

Bonus Post: Good Comeback... Rebuttal to Cyclist Rant

2010-05-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

*All new posts will only be on WordsInHighDef.com as of June 1.

Following is a guest response to my post on April 25th about city cyclists by Jeff Williams.

Playing Well Together, Sharing Our Toys (and roads)

Dear friends,

I'm sorry to see that some of you have inspired the ire of my friend and increasingly influential writer, Diane Markins. Would you please consider behaving yourselves as much as possible on the streets of Phoenix so that "we" (yes, the collective "we" of road cyclists) might be treated with more respect than disdain? In effect, respect means a better chance to live than to be maimed by drivers incensed by the arrogance of some of us. With that said, I have some rebuttals for you, Ms. Markins.

Road Hogs -- Bike lanes should be used when available, but sometimes they aren't user-friendly. Why? Drivers throw out trash, including broken glass onto the side of the road. It's not always easy or safe to ride through such debris. To the roadies: Why not drive your bike to less traveled sections of pavement to enjoy less threatening cycling?

Flow from red lights -- When we hog the road it is usually to protect ourselves. Some driver's can't stand to be delayed 2 seconds by a cyclist approaching a stop sign, so within 20 yards of the intersection they speed up then screech to a halt, endangering themselves and us by the reckless maneuver. If we go into the middle of a lane as we approach intersections we assert our right to obey the same traffic laws as drivers. We also hog the road in order that you might see us, and not try to pass where there is no room. When we hug the side of the road drivers think they have room to pass...not always true. We move out onto the road to protect us from being sideswiped, and you from being charged with a crime. Hogging the road helps to keep you out of jail, and your conscience free of the idiocy of saving five seconds at the cost of a life.

Blasting past slow traffic -- You've got us here. I've done it. But sometimes it prevents more confusion and problems. For instance, if I "sneak" through a light before it turns green, then you get off the line as fast as you want, and turning cars don't get confused about right of way. However, the hypocrisy of arrogant cyclists that obey traffic laws when convenient can't be ignored. If we truly want to improve our reputation with motorists, this is a great way to do it. Yep, there are no excuses for us on this one, but crowded roads and lengthy waits at intersections is plenty of incentive to take the time to get out to country roads for safer riding for everyone. What? No country in Phoenix? Well, if cycling is that important to you, move somewhere that you can safely enjoy it.

They don't pay their fair share -- That's a non-starter, in my opinion. The majority of cyclists in the U.S. also own and drive cars. We pay like the rest of you. So what if we're masochistic and want to travel more miles of roadway than if we simply drive pollution machines?

Finally, the goofy bike attire. Diane, you don't know what you don't know. The goofy attire prevents tremendous pain. Have you ever tried to sit atop the tip of a spear for hours on end? Well, those skinny little seats turn into spears UNLESS there is padding between our sitting area and the saddle, and the padding of cycling shorts comes embedded in tight, bright patterns of sponsors who sometimes greatly subsidize the cost of the clothing. The fact that they are tight-fitting and made of special moisture-wicking material is both a comfort and performance issue. Chafing is averted, and wind resistance is minimized. AND, the bright colors are strategic. They help drivers who are going too fast and doing too many illegal things in their vehicles so that we all can avoid senseless tragedy. What would you propose we wear? Try twenty miles on a road bike in your most comfortable summer attire and I'm sure you'll agree.

Thank you to the many patient and kind drivers that help us crazy cyclists to enjoy our passion for two-wheels. We hope to improve our reputation and safety by treating you with the same respect that we want to receive.

Jeff Williams, a roadie in the Midwest

OK, so I may be a bit more sympathetic after this explanation, but only when cyclists share the road with good manners! Share your thoughts below. Contact Jeff here.
Diane Markins

Cyclists: Share The Road With A Car (Please?)

2010-05-02T06:01:00.001-07:00

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." ~Mark Twain, Taming the Bicycle
Warning: This post is going to be a bit of a gripe session so feel free to tune out at will. One of my biggest pet peeves is the attitude of some bicyclists on the streets. Yes, I know how green they all are and they aren't contributing to higher health insurance costs because they're so fit!

I'm sorry but those feel-good factors for the positive column don't come close to balancing out the negative side of the equation in my book. I'll elaborate and share the things that bug me most about many (not all) city cyclists.

They're road hogs. Many city streets now have bike lanes designated strictly for their use (and go largely unoccupied because there is a relatively small part of the population using them). However I frequently have to make dangerous maneuvers into the next lane to avoid the guys who always ride just on the white line. It strikes me as arrogant and inconsiderate. New bumper sticker: Share the road with a car!

They disrupt the flow of movement away from red lights. They take up position in the middle of the street (along with motorized vehicles) at traffic lights. When the light turns green they begin to peddle at speeds much slower than surrounding cars. This presents a hazard for nearby automobiles.

They remain in the bike lane (when it's convenient) and blast past slow traffic as well as intersecting side streets. It's really difficult to see them coming when making a right turn and they're approaching from the rear at a great rate of speed on the right. Blind spot!

Even the goofy bike attire annoys me. It just screams, "I'm a real cyclist...I'm not an amateur...and I've got the tacky, pricey clothes to prove it!"

They don't pay their fair share. Taxes and fees related to driving a car help pay for road maintenance but cyclists use it for free. Drivers pay for accident insurance. Statistics on auto accidents caused by cyclists are sketchy but based on the many near-misses I've witnessed, I'm convinced there have to be a significant number of them.

They disregard traffic signals, often going through red lights and running stop signs. I'm sure it's inconvenient to come to a stop and have to put the effort into restarting but isn't the effort and workout a part of the enjoyment? Traffic laws are for everyone, not merely a suggestion.

I know there are drivers who can be total jerks to cyclists as well. They honk and drive too close to the bike lane adding fuel to the flame of discord that already exists. That's unacceptable, but I'm not one of them. I follow traffic laws as well as rules of common courtesy. I'm working on a kinder attitude about this...but on my way home today (once again) a cyclist darted in front of me at an intersection then gave me a one finger salute accompanied by words I won't mention when I had to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision. I'm hoping God will soften my heart in the issue of this pet peeve (forgive me, biking friends!) and will protect me from a cyclist related accident. Any near-misses you'd like to share or other pet peeves to vent? Comment below.
Diane Markins

*Check back Wednesday for a rebuttal post by avid cyclist and marriage coach Jeff Williams.

Ducks In The Pool: Finding Joy In Unexpected Places

2010-04-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

"... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed." Kahlil Gibran

This morning my yorkie-poo alerted me that something was going on in the back yard. His barking wasn't the usual yapping to greet a dog walking near our fence. When I went to investigate I saw him doing manic laps around the pool, looking up frequently to see if I was paying attention. He had discovered invaders and was beside himself with the thrill of it. A pair of mallards had decided to enjoy a swim and Rocky wasn't sure what to do about it.

After a few minutes of side-splitting laughter I encouraged him to go swimming to "get the ducks." This is a funny little dog who loves to swim and retrieve balls so he went for it, even though the ducks were nearly as big as he is. Naturally the annoyed birds flew off, leaving Rocky behind, victorious.

Rocky's buddy Ziggy, our sweet Rottweiler, went to doggie heaven about a month ago. When Zig was in the yard ducks and neighborhood cats didn't venture near. Now things are different— for Rocky and for all of us in the Markins family. We miss Ziggy and when there is a void that big, things change. Rocky has been mopey, he's taken to making a fast break into the neighborhood when the door is open and dumps the trash can over when he's left alone.

But then today there were ducks! He was filled with the joy of a new and exciting experience. I've started taking him to work with me (at our business) when I have a short day. Something that wasn't feasible with Ziggy. He also gets more car rides and 100% of the doggie love lavished at our house.

For my little mutt and for all of us there is unexpected joy to be found in the wake of grief and disappointment. When there is discord in one relationship it may forge an even closer bond in another relationship as you seek comfort and direction. If you get sick you have time to appreciate health, which will hopefully come again. In a bad economy you learn to rediscover simple pleasures and find out that possibly you have been squandering money when it was plentiful. Or maybe that's just my experience?

Are you stuck in a sad, angry or bored place? Rather than dumping the trash over (and ticking everyone off) start looking for ducks. There is probably unexpected joy ahead in your own backyard. Share your unexpected joy experiences below.
Diane Markins

Tiger: So Tired of Hearing His Name...He Finally Owes ME An Apology

2010-04-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

"You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." - Exodus 20:7

Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! Is it just me or is anyone else tired of hearing about this man? He's a tremendously talented golfer. I get it. He was very popular and living a charmed life. It began to come apart a bit when the world (yes even in remote villages of Africa I'm sure they're discussing it!) discovered he wasn't such a nice guy. He was cheating on his wife—his family—for years in a flagrant way. Got it. The networks interrupt regular programming when he holds a press conference. Why? What's so important for all of us to hear him say? I haven't heard a single thing that inspires or even interests me yet. Please be done!

As he repeats the same "I'm sorry" speech, reworked for the occasion, I don't feel like I need to be listening. He didn't hurt my feelings or betray my trust, because I didn't have feelings or trust him to begin with. For those who invest emotions in movie stars or athletes to whom they have no actual relationship, reconsider. If you do choose this path, invest a little more wisely. Adore them more for their true, proven character than for their talents or perceived charisma. You'll be much less at risk and won't feel the need for repeated promises of repentance from a fallen star.

It was a little disgusting to me to see the slobbering affection this man received at the Master's last weekend. As he walked the course fans cheered and shouted to welcome him back like a wounded hero returning from the war. Not even Phil Mickelsen who was playing in spite of a difficult year of supporting his wife's breast cancer battle got this kind of love. Wow!

I've heard all about how Tiger's gotten help for his addiction and anger issues. He's going to be more Zen on the course and may return to his peaceful Buddhist roots. Good for him. Maybe that's just what he needs. But if that's true, perhaps he should begin by choosing another way of expressing his frustration or disappointment while playing. Twice the mic picked up, loud and clear, this new and improved Tiger use MY God's name as an expletive. Now that's cause for him to give me an apology. I do take that personally and doubt he noticed or cared.

Congratulations to a wonderful athlete and a seemingly decent guy, Phil Mickelsen.

Your thoughts on Tiger, misplaced hero-worship or other related issues?

Ziggy and Me...Responding to God's Whispers

2010-04-11T06:01:00.000-07:00

"I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly, Ah! I didn't know, I held opportunity." ~Hazel Lee

The day of departure was drawing near and Ziggy, our aging Rottweiler was losing strength and mobility in her legs. The doggie doc encouraged me to "give it a little more time" as he believed she could turn a corner and recover enough to live a good while longer.

When your family grows up, it also grows apart. Everyone has busy and varied schedules. This was a rare and special family trip to the dunes planned, with all our motor toys, where most of my family would be present. My kids, my parents, my inlaws and some friends were all looking forward to a great time together. A couple days before the trip God whispered in my ear that I should stay home.

How could I expect a dog sitter to deal with special needs and possible complications? Would anyone care as much or be as attentive as I to her pain and basic necessities? Huh uh. So I reluctantly announced my decision to stay home. My husband felt terrible but the vacation wouldn't happen if he stayed home because he was in charge of bringing the base RV and biggest toy. I encouraged him to go ahead with the trip as planned.

The first night was rough because she was having a lot of pain and could only stand up with my help. I didn't get much sleep and prayed fervently for her sudden improvement. The next day she went into a rapid decline and by evening was unable to get up, stand or walk without help. Lifting a 100 pound dog from the floor, then partially carrying her outside is as difficult as it sounds. I had to call on kind friends about every two hours all through the night to come help me take her outside for potty breaks. She was hurting and exhausted. I knew it was her last night.

In the morning I lay on the floor looking into her eyes as the vet administered the concoction that would end her suffering. I stroked her face and promised her all her favorite things, "You'll have treats, go for walks, go for rides and go swimming." She looked back into my face and responded with familiar expressions (albeit subdued) until the light was gone, and so was she.

It was brutally painful and I hated it...but I wouldn't have traded it for a month of family vacation. I comforted her, loved her and stood by her until her last moment. God had me there for "such a time as this." The rest of the family, especially my husband, was protected from having to see her suffer and I was blessed to be there to make a crucial decision and stay with her until she was gone.

I'm grateful for God's whisper and so glad I listened and obeyed, for it would have all been much different if I had left her in someone else's charge. Have you had to make a choice like mine? Has He been whispering to you lately? What opportunities might you miss if you don't listen? Share below?
Diane Markins

Easter: It's All About Me

2010-04-04T06:01:00.000-07:00

As a little girl I loved Easter. What's not to love? My sister and I always got a new "Easter outfit" which included a frilly dress of our choosing, lacy socks, shiny new patent leather mary janes, a hat and even little white gloves. No, I'm not nearing 80, that's just the way my mom wanted to do things.

Coloring enough eggs to exhaust a barnyard of chickens, we were artistic geniuses. The night before the big day we'd be filled with butterflies of anticipation for the beautiful, loaded basket that giant rabbit would drop off in exchange for the large carrot left as an offering of gratitude...and yes, we believed!

Up at dawn, we'd marvel at the lovely loot bestowed upon us and eat a few pieces of candy before breakfast. Church was fun because we got to show off our new clothes and find out how much the Big Bunny liked other kids.

Off to Grandma's house for Easter egg hunts until the last adult finally said no more. Aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents sat down to a table laden with what we now call comfort food. Throughout the day we were depleting our stash as the marshmallow peeps, chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and malted milk eggs were consumed.

Um...and there was something about Jesus. Any of this sounding familiar?

I'm not one to condemn any tradition that results in family togetherness and forming sweet memories, but perhaps there's a better way. I realize now that the Easter celebration I grew up with was all about me: my appearance, my stash of goodies, my fun day.

Honestly, it's still all about me...at least that's what Jesus would say. He lived in our challenging, abusive, hurt-filled world for me. He died a brutal death, at the hands of hateful people for me. He defeated death and lives on, for me. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

For those who love the fun family traditions like I grew up with, maybe there could be two days of Easter celebrations. Perhaps Good Friday or even on Saturday, we could spend a little time remembering this man who brought each of us so much more than a wicker basketful of colored sugar. We could deliberately try to relate to Jesus by recalling our own (comparably shallow) experiences of pain and sacrifice for others. We could spend some time being still, soaking in God's eternal expression of love that encompassed the very first Easter.

"Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! ..." Psalm 105:1. We could write Him a sincere letter of thanks. We could teach our kids to draw a picture or use other artistic methods to create a gift expressing grateful hearts.

Our wonderful God doesn't want us to throw away fun times or eliminate lasting traditions or replace them with a stiff, obligatory religious ritual. He loves to see us smile, hug and enjoy treats. But I believe He'd delight even more in the way our spirits would respond to an intentional interlude basking in His presence. Not for His sake because Easter is all about us.

How do you separate the fun traditions and the true meaning of Easter? What was your Easter like growing up? Comment below.
Diane Markins

ObamaCare Won: How Will You Respond?

2010-03-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

A Slobbering Love Affair: The True (And Pathetic) Story of the Torrid Romance Between Barack Obama and the Mainstream MediaWho's Really In Control?

Well, they finally did it. The democrats passed their healthcare legislation. As with every big political issue, the aftermath is a different experience depending upon how you're wired and what you hoped for. I'd like to, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, offer congratulations to those who are celebrating and especially to those who have invested time and energy to see this come to fruition.

That said, I'm not one of the party-goers this week. I'm not angry (as I've heard from many others) or sad or even fearful. I will admit being disappointed. I'm sorry that those who represent us can't come a little closer to common ground. The biggest problem is that there isn't a unified "us" to represent. There is a divided "us" and some elected officials represent the beliefs of one half while others represent the remaining half.

It's easy to blame politicians for the discord that's so flagrant in the US. But in truth, they're elected and paid to give voice to what we demand. And this divisiveness isn't unique to our country. It's world-wide and it's as old as recorded history. Humans tend to thrive on it. You only have to watch a basketball game during March Madness to know that we love to pick sides and passionately align ourselves there.

I realize enthusiasm for a sports team doesn't remotely equate to the significance of being committed to a major political initiative like that which was approved last week, but we do tend to take wins and losses personally regardless of the relevance. However, just as the loss of an important game, we have to put this one behind us and move forward with purpose and grace.

I'll be honest and confess that I have grave concerns regarding the effects this legislation will cause. I'm deeply concerned about our senior population. I dread losing some of my favorite docs who say they'll find another profession or retire. I'm not looking forward to the long waits and inferior care that I suspect I'll be subjected to for medical attention. As a business owner I know there will be a mountain of paperwork required to verify that we're in compliance with the new insurance mandates. Yuck!

But in spite of all my reservations, still I will be intentional to remind myself that God is sovereign and this outcome did not surprise Him. He works all things out for good and we can trust Him. In the meantime if you're not in the winner's camp on this one, be a gracious loser and continue to fight the good fight.
Diane Markins
Share your opinions here.

Peaceful Families Can Happen: Overcoming Emotional & Physical Abuse

2010-03-21T06:01:00.000-07:00

No More Emotional or Physical Abuse!

It was such an honor to be a guest on the inaugural Blog Talk radio program called Peaceful Families Hour on March 18th. Sabrina Evans Laurence, of Red Rose Ministry, worked diligently for a year to persuade the governor of her home state of Maryland to declare an official Peaceful Families Day. That very day, Governor Martin O' Malley handed down the proclamation. Laurence aspires to make this a national decree to help inspire families to turn away from physical and emotional abuse.

I shared about creating and modeling a peaceful family. Far from perfect, my family has fumbled through the years, maintaining peace only because God was leading the way. These are the top ten skills/lessons I'd like to hand down from experience:

· When you argue, learn to "fight fairly"...that means no name-calling, no accusing, no yelling. When things heat up, take a break and return to the discussion later.

· Determine and pinpoint the real issue and don't stray into other topics or older conflicts.

· Remember that winning the argument is less important that winning God's pleasure (be humble).

· Grace and forgiveness aren't optional (to give and to be received). When our loved ones mess up we need to immediately give them comfort. Natural consequences will still occur to teach a much better lesson than our anger.

· Respect is the centerpiece to keeping peace in a family. Earn it and give it liberally.

· Finding purpose as individuals leads to contentment. Contented people are easier to get along with, so pursue being one.

· Keep your eyes on the prize. Shared faith in Christ (by believing His promises, His ability to change things and by following the blueprint for peace layed out in the Bible) can be sustaining. Being on the same page where faith is concerned brings unity and ultimately peace.

· Set healthy boundaries with clear consequences...and follow through. Empty threats never work.

· Never let fear determine your actions or rule your life. When we operate out of fear, we make skewed choices. God didn't give us a spirit of fear but of faith. Make bold, fearless choices to maintain peace.

· HELP! Just like the old Beatles tune says, "Help me get my feet back on the ground." Sometimes we reach an impasse that seems insurmountable. Whether in a tumultuous, desperate family situation or a family that is on track but wants to continue building a model for peace, there are wonderful resources. I've listed some below.

Do you have a peaceful or abusive family story to share? Any tips you'd like to add? Share below.

Diane Markins

Suggested Resources for Maintaining a Peaceful Family

Websites and Supportive Organizations

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/

http://www.graceandtruthrelationship.com/ (Grace and Truth Relationships, marriage coaching & coach training)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.familydynamics.net/ (Family Dynamics Institute)

www.HealthyChildren.org/">HealthyChildren.org - Family in Crisis

http://www.family-crisis.com/ (Family Crisis Support Services)

Books

Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually by Joe Beam

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and Fritz Ridenour

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley

Building the Christian Family You Never Had: A Practical Guide for Pioneer Parents by Mary E. DeMuth

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman

The New Dare to Discipline by James C. Dobson

John Trent's StrongFamilies

Progressing Through Storms

2010-03-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

As my husband and I sat on the balcony of our rented condo overlooking a large expanse of ocean, it was a sunny and peaceful day. The waves in Rocky Point, Mexico on the Baja pennisula are typically small and the water is calm. That was Thursday.

Saturday and Sunday presented a vastly different picture. We couldn't sit outside because of extreme wind and rain. The previously sedate blue water transformed into pounding waves with angry white tops. The water and sky were matching shades of gray and there wasn't a human form in site.

Interestingly, the birds (and presumably sea critters) weren't phased at all. They continued to go about the business of life. The gulls and pelicans coasted with the updrafts and dove into the chilly water to snatch tasty morsels. Finches and sparrows splashed around in little puddles on deck looking for crumbs from the night before. None of them seemed to fear the storm or cowered away, waiting for the turmoil to end before resuming their plight.

Surfers and scuba divers mimic these water-loving creatures. Whether there is rain slashing down or the surging waters roil around them, these sea enthusiasts aren't diverted.

We could all take a lesson from them. Most of us get our jobs done without too much difficulty when our surroundings are calm, but when the storms of life hit, we lose focus and let our obligations and purposes slip through our shaking hands. Instead of continuing on with life as planned, we become distracted and let the prevailing winds of our emotions determine our actions.

Inclemate weather is a certainty for everyone and it will likely come at inconvenient, unexpected times. While preparation helps tremendously, there are some storms we must simply face head-on without the benefit of shelter or respite. The loss of a job, death of a loved one, diagnosis of disease or broken relationships can strike us with hurricane impact. Our knees buckle and the brutal force continues to assault us with no sunshine in sight.

While He never promised us we'd always have sunny skies and pleasant breezes, God did promise us He'd walk by our side through every kind of weather and hold us up when we couldn't battle the beating wind and rain alone. Don't lose sight of that promise in the midst of your own storm. Continue to move forward and toward the calm that is sure to come...followed by a spectacular rainbow.

What kind of storms has God taken you through? Comment by clicking on "comments" below.
Diane Markins
*Congrats to Jeff and Jill Williams who won a copy of One Million Arrrows by posting a comment and being drawn from last week's post about teaching our kids to change the world.

One Million Arrows (Teaching Kids to Change the World)

2010-03-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

"Will the world change our children...or will our children change the world? Time is short and lives are at stake. Right now, God is inviting our families to become part of a bigger story—a vision that will engage hearts to make a radical difference. One Million Arrows is an inspirational call to raise our kids to impact their culture, community, and world for Christ." Julie Ferwerda from One Million Arrows

There is a battle scene in one of my favorite movies, Last of the Mohicans, in which the English are fighting with the local colonists. The English soldiers line up in parade-like formation, take slow aim and fire at their opponents. It's all very civilized.

But we know the outcome: Those rude, wild Americans fought in an uncouth style...sneaking around and shooting willy-nilly, ultimately sending the English Red Coats sailing back across the pond defeated.

As Christian parents, most of us have been raising our kids with a very clear and organized plan. We take them to church on Sundays, drop them off at AWANA, write an occassional check to the youth program and hope for the best. We say grace at mealtimes and share how God has blessed us around the Thanksgiving dinner table. It's all been prescribed and we're following our marching orders.

The problem is that our enemy doesn't fight by the same rules. He's sneaky and goes after our kids in random, surprising ways. We need a new battle plan in which we are prepared for attacks in unexpected places and our guns are blazing from every-which-way.

One Million Arrows (WinePress), by Julie Ferwerda, lays out the complacent path toward destruction we are traveling, bringing deep conviction. She offers stories and reliable statistics about how children are growing up, and growing away from the faith of their youth.

Inspiration for the book came from the vision of Dr. M.A. Thomas, a man known around the world as "Papa." During an extended visit to India, Ferwerda spent time with this humble man and grabbed his vision with both hands. His vision was to "Gather one million broken branches--the native-born, orphaned, and abandoned children--sharpen them with education, faith and a heart for The Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), and launch them like arrows back into all the regions of India that have never heard about Jesus...or the world."

The Enemy wishes nothing more than to coax our kids, if not into rebellion, into pursuing passionless, insignificant, and potentially empty lives. As long he he can hamstring them with apathy, he need not worry about them doing damage to his kingdom. But now, like Papa, we've been given the exciting opportunity to raise arrows--weapons of warfare. Our kids [and those we have influence over] have been put on this earth for great puropose and a mission. P 21-22 OMA

In OMA, Ferwerda doesn't stop at stomping on our hearts to reveal the damage we may have done or the opportunities we've missed. She doesn't leave us feeling sad and desperate. Through story after story of families who've been employing this philosophy, we are built back up and inspired with a game plan. Our children, their children and the future of God's good purposes are not lost because we can step back into the battle with new armor and fresh strategies. The message is clear: It's never too late.

I hope people with and without young children will read One Million Arrows. Each of us has a potential role to play in gathering, sharpening and launching the weapons God surrounds us with each day. Buy the book at Amazon. Give one to the parents you know. Give one to your pastor and children's ministry workers. (*All proceeds from OMA go to international orphan ministry) Use the resources on the website. This isn't just a book, it's our collective mission as Believers.

Share your thoughts, concerns and experiences about raising (and influencing) kids that will change the world. You'll automatically be entered in a drawing to win a free copy of the book. Check back for the winner at the bottom of the post on March 14. Contact me if it's you!
Diane Markins

What Powers Your Internal Goal Engine? Is Positive Thinking Enough?

2010-02-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

"If you will just believe it's true Then there is nothing you can't do. There's not a mountain that you can't climb. There's not a river you can't make it over. There's no tomorrow that you can't find-- if you try I know you're gonna make it... Nothing can stop you now!
Tillie the Little Engine: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!" from The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper

In this classic children's book the main character is a little train engine built only for pulling a few cars on and off the switches, certainly not for large loads over rough terrain. As the story goes, a long line of cars with heavy cargo needs to get to the next station over a steep hill. The leader asks many of the large, powerful engines to pull them but they all decline because the job is too difficult. The little engine agrees, responding (and continually chanting) "I think I can..."

The theme of the story focuses on the power of positive thinking. While I am a big fan of thinking positively I believe it often requires more than an uplifted attitude to accomplish difficult tasks.

We are all driven by an internal engine. (This was recently pointed out in a marriage coaching class I'm taking...thanks Jeff Williams for the inspiration.) We have unique dreams, goals and desires. But what what fuels your engine? As you press forward making your way up the steep incline of obstacles and dream-killers, what keeps you going? Is positive thinking enough to continue the forward progress or do you rely on other factors?

My engine runs best on affirming words. When people I respect and care about tell me I'm doing well or that they appreciate my work, that's good for another few painful miles on my journey. Or when a stranger tells me I've touched them and made a difference in their life, I'm willing to suffer because I know I'm not doing it in vain. Momentum continues.

For some people necessity is the juice they need. Knowing that you won't have food or electricity can be hugely motivating to remain in a job you hate.

Here is a list of a few other power sources to fuel the internal engine:

Respect from others --Knowing that our effort brings respect from others makes a difference.

Respect for others --If we know we'll be letting a respected friend down, we may keep going a few miles further toward our destination.

Honoring God --When we believe our perseverance pleases God, it makes the way a little lighter.

Appreciation --A few words of genuine gratitude from a loved one can re-ignite our spark plugs.

Focusing on our final arrival --It sometimes helps to create a mental picture of what it will look like when we've reached out goal.

These energy sources may not be right to fuel your internal engine. It destroys a diesel engine to use gasoline. Double A batteries won't fit in a 9 volt slot. Each of us needs to discern the most effective and efficient fuel for our unique motor, then go about filling up. What keeps your engine running smoothly up hills and over bumpy roads?
Diane Markins

Training for Eternity

2010-02-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

"The God who created us to do good works (Eph 2:10) will not cancel this purpose when he resurrects us to inhabit the new universe." Randy Alcorn, Heaven

Each day we are in training. For those of us who believe that life doesn't end when we take our final breath on earth, this is a fact. As we open our eyes in the morning we are presented with new opportunities to become stronger, wiser, kinder...better.

Our time in this life is simply our practice field for eternity. It may seem like life is long and as we enter our senior years, we should be able to rest. But according to time on an everlasting scale, this life is only a blip. There is no point in time to assume we're done or we've "arrived." God has a purpose for each of us as long as we are drawing breath. He has created us with specific gifts and passions. If we aren't cultivating, honing and applying them, we're wasting precious time and resources.

According to the Bible, we aren't going to be sitting around on cloud-covered furniture watching Angel TV in heaven. We'll be working. This was clearly established when God told Adam to pick up that first hoe. (There are a million jokes slamming around in my brain right now, but they're too easy.)

Travel, recreation and fun times are all good things. We need refreshment for our weary spirits before we dig in again. Those peaceful or laughter-filled occassions can also be great because they enrich us and make us more complete.

But when we are lazy, complaining or passing the hours engaged in activities that we aren't meant to be doing, we will be less prepared for the assignment we get tomorrow and tommorow and in heaven. If your heart's desire is to be a farmer but you spend your days as a mailman, you may be missing the target.

Learning the uquique gifts you've been given is a good starting block. Looking for opportunities to enhance and use those spiritual gifts is the essential next step. God has a path layed out for us. It is filled with little growth assignments. If we stray, we don't grow.

For those who are fulfilled and contented in how they spend their days, pray for those who aren't. If you don't feel like you're training for your next assignment, visit your pastor or consider reading the Purpose Driven Life (or any number of other books on the topic).

Is your time well spent? How do you know? Love to hear your thoughts.
Diane Markins

Funny Minus Mean/Nasty=Entertainment

2010-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."- Bill Cosby

It's Valentine's Day so where's the love? Not at American Idol, at least for now. The results are in and, while the exact numbers may vary, it seems clear that the popularity of American Idol will suffer when Simon Cowell is no longer on the show. That, in and of itself is nothing to write about. But it seems to me that this is an indicator of something culturally significant: We enjoy meanness.

Some may simply love the way he looks or his accent, but most will admit the reason they love Simon is that he's unabashedly unkind. I will offer a disclaimer, I don't watch the program. I've mentioned in previous posts that reality TV or "reality competitive" TV is not my preference. But it is impossible to live anywhere with prime time access and not be exposed to clips and teasers revealing the attacks that level many aspiring singers. I can't change the channel fast enough. For others it's a guilty pleasure and some simply sit back and revel in the carnage.

Comedian Kathy Griffin perfectly exemplifies the use of mean-spiritedness as entertainment. She slams everyone in the most hateful way imaginable. And still her popularity grows.

In stark contrast to the use of this method is Sinbad, a comedian who doesn't disparage anyone, uses no profanity and yet audiences roar with laugher. We saw this man recently at the Tempe Improv and he captivated the full house. It takes tremendous creativity and hard work to be funny without referring to sex, naked body parts, bathroom experiences or spewing hate-filled sentiments about others. When it's accomplished successfully it brings not only laughter but joy and refreshment to our spirit.

What do you think is funny or entertaining? Do you think it's more challenging to provide entertainment while not tearing down others or using profanity? Maybe I'm wrong...let me know why or why not below.
Diane Markins

Animal House: What's Mine is Yours

2010-02-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

"All thing bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful, The Lord God made them all."
Cecil Francis Alexander

"Shoo!" I continued a futile battle to make the stray pooch leave us alone. My kids and I were visiting the neighborhood park when this slobbering mass of affection intruded on our day. The kids were seven and ten...just old enough to develop persuasive arguments, and they fought valiently to keep this sweet pit bull. I allowed them to give her water and half a sandwich but when we headed home, the love affair was over. Or at least that was my plan. In spite of my best efforts (angry shouts, clapping hands and furious arm waving) the dog followed us home--at a distance.

It was hot outside so I sprayed her with the hose--she thought it was a game. I noticed she had full bags of milk. Wondering about her puppies and feeling really sorry for them, I put her in my car and drove her back to the park, hoping she'd go find her babies. Half hour later, she was sitting by the front door. My husband drove around asking if anyone was missing a dog, put up signs and we all searched for her babies. We took her to the vet only to discover that she had not given birth yet. (Yeah, we're city people) "She's really young and this is surely her first litter," he told us. "She'll probably only have one or two."

There were already two dogs and two cats in our family, and we didn't need more, but we figured any dog this persistant deserved a chance. We decided to let her deliver her pups, keep them until they were old enough then find good homes for mom and babies. We called her Brinny in honor of her brindle coloring. A couple days later that dog popped out a dozen puppies. Despite her sweet, caring nature, she was simply unable to meet all their needs. After another trip to the doc and the pet store to buy formula and bottles we created a schedule for each of us to take round-the-clock shifts to feed the new family.

We only lost one baby (who was accidentally smothered by mama), soon our house looked like a scene from 101 Dalmations...puppies everywhere. They thrived and were adorable in every shape, size and color combination. (I think Brinny was a bit of a free spirit!) Every puppy was adopted, followed by their mom. They each had been given shots, good food and lots of TLC. It cost us a small fortune and disrupted our lives for a couple of months but it's still a favorite memory we frequently recall and re-tell to others.

There are many homeless and mistreated dogs and cats in every community. You may not have the time, money or desire to invest as fully as we did in Brinny and her clan, but there are lots of ways to help. Donate a dollar when you buy food at Pets Mart, volunteer a little time at the Humane Society or other "no kill" shelter and don't forget about the local pound. You may not like the idea of supporting this government agency because they do have to euthanize some of the animals and are funded by the tax dollars. But keep in mind that this is a necessary endeavor as long as people don't take care of their animals. You might not like the
"Shoo!" I continued a futile battle to make the stray pooch leave us alone. My kids and I were visiting the neighborhood park when this slobbering mass of affection intruded on our day. The kids were seven and ten...just old enough to develop persuasive arguments, and they fought valiently to keep this sweet pit bull. I allowed them to give her water and half a sandwich but when we headed home, the love affair was over. Or at least that was my plan. In spite of my best efforts (angry shouts, clapping hands and furious arm waving) the dog followed us home--at a distance.
It was hot outside so I sprayed her with the hose--she thought it was a game. I noticed she had full bags of milk. Wondering about her puppies and feeling really sorry for them, I put her in my car and drove her back to the park, hoping she'd go find her babies. Half hour later, she was sitting by the front door. My husband drove around asking if anyone was missing a dog, put up signs and we all searched for her babies. We took her to the vet only to discover that she had not given birth yet. (Yeah, we're city people) "She's really young and this is surely her first litter," he told us. "She'll probably only have one or two."
There were already two dogs and two cats in our family, and we didn't need more, but we figured any dog this persistant deserved a chance. We decided to let her deliver her pups, keep them until they were old enough then find good homes for mom and babies. We called her Brinny in honor of her brindle coloring. A couple days later that dog popped out a dozen puppies. Despite her sweet, caring nature, she was simply unable to meet all their needs. After another trip to the doc and the pet store to buy formula and bottles we created a schedule for each of us to take round-the-clock shifts to feed the new family.
We only lost one baby (who was accidentally smothered by mama), soon our house looked like a scene from 101 Dalmations...puppies everywhere. They thrived and were adorable in every shape, size and color combination. (I think Brinny was a bit of a free spirit!) Every puppy was adopted, followed by their mom. They each had been given shots, good food and lots of TLC. It cost us a small fortune and disrupted our lives for a couple of months but it's still a favorite memory we frequently recall and re-tell to others.

There are many homeless and mistreated dogs and cats in every community. You may not have the time, money or desire to invest as fully as we did in Brinny and her clan, but there are lots of ways to help. Donate a dollar when you buy food at Pets Mart, volunteer a little time at the Humane Society or other "no kill" shelter and don't forget about the local pound. You may not like the idea of supporting this government agency because they do have to euthanize some of the animals and are funded by the tax dollars. But keep in mind that this is a necessary endeavor as long as people don't take care of their animals. You might not like the pound, but if you ever visit one, it will break your heart. The animals are left in small cells with concrete floors...very hot in summer and cold in winter. They don't have blankets or chew toys or even human affection because the budget is so limited. Consider giving to the pound or volunteering there as well.

Assuming you already have favorite places to spend your "giving back" money, a tiny bit more won't likely be noticed and will save the lives of countless animals who contribute so much to the quality of human lives. Any good rescue stories to share (how you saved an animal or one saved you?) Comment on the link below.
Diane Markins
Here is another simple (FREE) way to help per a reader's comment www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Obedience Doesn't Have to be Fun

2010-01-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way; it's up to you." My version of God's message about obedience

"Whoa, Nellie," I said to my husband. "Slow this trail ride down." Not enjoying where the conversation was headed, I was hoping we could change the subject or at least agree to disagree.

"When my dad retires in a few months, I really need you to step in and work at the business," he responded, not getting the hint. "I know you've never really wanted to be involved because mixing too much family and business can cause problems, but Dad'll be gone." Then he played his ace, "And I need you."

I'm a journalist and a public relations practitioner, not a...well, whatever I'd be at the business. Besides, I don't know much about nuts and bolts. Without product knowledge, how much help could I be? I continued to have this silent dialogue with God, trying to convince Him that He'd made a silly little mistake and he'd passed the crazy notion on to my husband. I continued resisting until God's persistent push was about to land me on my face.

"OK, I'll work in our family business, but I'm not necessarily going to like it," I said. Both of them (God and my husband) were agreeable with my terms. I slowly learned the difference between screws and bolts, how to identify materials and measurement specs. It was like learning a new language. I worked in the inclement warehouse (sweltering heat in the summer and numbing cold in the winter), learning how to package and stock items on the shelves or how to pull orders. I began helping customers on the phone and at the counter. I learned how to drive the delivery truck and write up invoices.

That was several years ago. While I'll never be the fastener industry expert my husband is, I can get by running the place if I absolutely have to. Our son works in the business now and I'm not required to be as involved. (Whew!)

The point? Sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do. If God is telling us it's what He wants, resisting will only delay the inevitable. Leviticus 26:3-20 spells it all out clearly: If we obey God, He'll bless us (in the short or long haul) beyond anything we could imagine. If we don't, we can expect some bad stuff like "sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy our sight and drain away our lives." Ewww

I pick option A. If God wants me to serve in a new way, remain in an uncomfortable job, befriend an unpleasant person or sacrifice my possessions, I'm in. I've seen God's power and ability to get my attention. He lets us choose— the easy way or the hard way. I pick A. How about you?

Motoring Through Life

2010-01-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

True Confession: Alternating between applying a final coat of mascara and sipping coffee as I dashed to work, it suddenly occurred to me that I was exceeding the speed limit. (Note to self: If I get out the door a little sooner I can relax as I head off to where I'm going.) I am typically a really careful driver but on this day I was just cramming too much in and confess to not being as wise as I should have. Oooh, I'd better slow down I thought, recalling that the police sometimes set traps in this area to issue citations.

In this same little neighborhood is a sign that says, "It's our town, please slow down." This is intended to remind motorists that the people living in this quiet residential area want to protect what's important to them (children, animals, property) from irresponsible drivers.

In life we rush and hurry. We try to pack as much in as possible and blast off to the next thing. If we'd consider some of the rules of the road, perhaps they'd help us to arrive at our intended destinations in a more timely and productive manner.

Stay in your own lane. If we mind our own business and not try to "help" others take care of theirs, we're less likely to have collisions.
Watch the road: Don't let your latte, radio buttons or cell phone distract you. When we remain focused on the job at hand and intent upon accomplishing a specific purpose we'll finish well and without undesired dents and damage.
Don't exceed the posted speed limit. When we make realistic plans and do our best to honor them, less rushing is required. This results in a less stressful trip through our day.
Be courteous to fellow drivers. Just as there are days when we are in high speed mode, others find themselves stressed and pressured sometimes too. When they whiz by, bumping and knocking us off balance, grace and kindness are always the best responses. (Avoid honking or hand gestures!)
When you're headed in the wrong direction, find a place to make a U turn or find an alternate route to get back on track. Everyone makes mistakes, but if we keep moving forward instead of correcting and re-directing, we'll never get where we'd really like to be.
Merge carefully into traffic. As we arrive at work, school or come home to be with the family, things are already in motion. It helps to look around and join people in progress rather than expecting them to align with the pace or mood we come in with. (Unless their realignment is a necessary improvement and you facilitate this by bringing the mood UP.)

There are many others, but these a few good road rules to use on your journey. As you go through your busy days this week, pay extra attention to the traffic signs (life principles) put in place to keep you safe and help get you where you're going without running out of gas. As you do your part, you ensure that others arrive in good shape as well.

Can you think of other driving tips that could be applied to daily living? Share your brilliant insights below!
Diane Markins

Blissfully United (By a Game?)

2010-01-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Intensely Shared Joy--and No one Drank the Koolaid

There's nothing that compares to the experience of being in a giant stadium filled with passionate, like-minded people who are directing all their energy into one thing. In this case, I'm talking about the Cardinals playoff game I attended January 10th against the Packers. Everything is in sync—color (red), sound (collective cheering, groaning or silence), mirrored facial expressions and people slapping the hands of total strangers passing their aisle or sitting in their vicinity. The over-riding feeling? Unity. There is a "we" mentality.

Yes, there were the little specs of green and gold and the occasional guy with a giant wedge of cheese on his head who was out of sync with the rest of the crowd, but that was the exception. Most of the folks were there with one thing in mind; a win for their team— our team. We owned every mistake as though we had committed it and we embraced every successful play as if we were on the field in full gear. The fans were team members, not spectators, as we participated in a game that ended with a collective (record) score of 96 points.

Driving away, I could hear the deafening roar of that crowd (nearly half a mile from the stadium) even after the game had been over for several minutes. People didn't want the excitement of victory as such a shared experience to end.

Why is it that this happens only in sports? I know that there are other events (like political conventions or spiritual retreats) where like-minded people are passionate about one thing, but it's never as universal or as raw as a major game. With religion and politics, even within the same denomination or party there are microcosms of those who vary in thought and conviction. There's seldom that intense level of unbridled joy and support flowing in the same direction. Some hold back, some are luke-warm, others are over the moon.

Sadly this is true of life in general. You might think that because people have something in common, they'd be in full agreement and deeply enthusiastic. Not so. Gender? Women have widely varying opinions from each other and so do men. Age, race, religion, home town? Same thing applies.

I'm always a little surprised by the response mail to my newspaper column. One is wildly supportive and a kindred spirit. The next is full of venom and tells me how simple I am. These are mostly from people in my own community, so we obviously don't all agree based on geography. More stunning is email from my blog posts. These are supposedly people who see things from a similar world view (because most of them subscribe or at least visit often). Occasionally there is a nasty note about how wrong I am from inside the ranks. And that could be about the weather.

I know that in this life everyone will never stand together in full agreement, hold hands and sing Amazing Grace. I'm counting on heaven for that experience. I certainly don't have answers about why we can't all come together on more issues or why there seems to be an ease of passion when it comes to discord.

My point is that great unified passion does exist on earth and I've experienced it first-hand with gratitude and awe. It's a feeling that is difficult to duplicate or surpass. While I certainly wish it could consistently encompass areas of life other than sports, for now, I'll take what I can get and enjoy the afterglow. Thanks God!

Have you encountered this type of overwhelming group experience of intensely shared purpose and emotion? Do you have thoughts on why it's so rare outside of sports or why sports can be the catalyst?
Diane Markins

When All We Hear From God is Silence

2010-01-10T06:01:00.000-08:00

Can You Hear Me Now, God?

It happens to every single person alive...even those whom theretofore hadn't prayed. A time of desperation or longing when we cry out to God: Fix this. Change this. Heal this. And we hear nothing in response. What does it mean when God is silent in the face of our anguished pleas? Does it mean He doesn't care, or worse, He doesn't even exist?

I've experienced the quiet echoes of prayers unanswered. When my mother lay in her hospital bed unconscious, doctors explained that her brain was dead and she'd never wake up. I begged God to prove them wrong. She never again responded to my voice or looked into my eyes and soon slipped away from this world permanently while God was silent.

When my daughter was just moving into her teen years and began battling serious health issues I fasted and prayed all the time for her to be healed. There were several years of painful uncertainty while God never seemed to offer a response. Was He too busy? Didn't He care? Was it too difficult for Him?

As Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane and asked God to change his circumstances, only to receive silence in response, I have to wonder if those same questions flitted through his mind. Even if they did, the truth won out as Jesus accepted this silence as temporary. He knew God was there and would take him through the trial.

There can be various reasons for God's silence. Perhaps He's spoken often in the past and we didn't pay attention. Perhaps He wants us to pursue a difficult path without easing the load to gain strength and stamina. Maybe He's teaching us that we have to trust Him even unto death—of a loved one or even our own.

His love, mercy and power don't exist solely when we can hear God's voice or feel His presence. Similarly, our faith (by definition) needs to remain in tact even when difficult circumstances don't change and we aren't "hearing" God's response to our pleading cries.

Christians are quick to share stories of answered prayers and feel-good "miracles" but not so verbal about times when pain and strife persisted in spite of faithful prayer. These stories are just as important because the outcome for those who remain faithful is still victory. God will eventually let His presence be felt and His voice be heard again when the waiting is over. Only He knows why and when. What we do know is that He is suffering along with us, even in His silence.

If you are hearing echoes of your own prayers right now, don't lose faith. Be encouraged that even in His silence God stands with you. He is teaching you, refining you and making you more grace-filled. Be assured that some day you will have a story to share of answered prayer, because the silence isn't permanent. It's only a pause. In my case, I later realized that He was whispering to me all along that my mom was fine...she was stepping into His arms. And my daughter's health crisis abated, shaping her into a more courageous and faith-filled adult.

Have you ever experienced God's silence? Did your faith waver? Did He ever speak up?Share your story here.
Diane Markins

Say it Obama: "You're Fired!"

2010-01-03T06:01:00.000-08:00

Nuts and Bolts of Running our Country

My husband and I own a small business. He is the president of the company and oversees the day-to-day operations. We wholesale fasteners— nuts and bolts, and do a small amount of custom manufacturing, mostly for the construction industry.

An engineer designs plans to build a bridge, and then he gives those plans to a contractor, who gives a list of materials to a purchasing agent. This person gets quotes from all his suppliers for every item on the list. Nuts and bolts are typically at the bottom of the list both in cost and in the minds of those planning the project. However, they are absolutely necessary to hold the foundational pieces together.

When the purchasing agent communicates with us about the fasteners required, we provide the company with a cost and time-line to meet his needs. With all these people involved, each having their own demands, priorities and areas of expertise, it would be easy to have miscommunications. Someone could forget to indicate a need for a particular strength or misread plans and the length they order from us is a tiny fraction too short.

Fortunately, complications like this are very rare. However, if they do occur, the cost is ridiculously high. No one is foolish enough to risk a bridge collapsing or a building crumbling, so things would be torn down and redone. Also, those involved would certainly lose their jobs.

Sounding familiar? On Christmas day, in spite of watch lists and warnings by a terrorist's own father, there was a major breakdown in the system. Lives could have been lost. Our President is wagging his finger and his tongue about how terrible it is, but no one has been held responsible. No one has been fired for their dismal job performance.

Instead, millions of innocent travelers will be inconvenienced by yet another silly protocol change on airlines. Once again, the tail wags the dog. I can only imagine Al Qadea operatives sitting around yucking it up about the hoops they're making us jump through. "Let's use toe nail polish next time...hehehe."

If only the security of our nation was as meticulously run as construction projects in the U.S., where even the nuts and bolts get proper attention...

Do you agree? Do you know of any industry or business where people wouldn't lose their jobs for such failings? Comment below.
Diane Markins

Hope and Change in 2010

2009-12-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

Are you filling up your hope bank?

Hope and change. We all need to believe in those things. Not rhetoric or campaign slogans. This isn't about politics, I'm talking about life. Unless your life if 100% perfect, this applies to you. Every single one of us could use improvement in at least one area and having hope is what helps us hold on until circumstances are altered.

As we begin the last week of 2009 perhaps there will be time to reflect about all that's happened this year. What changes can you make to correct problems? What decisions can you rethink in order to not repeat bad choices?

Many of life's challenges are out of our control. Unkind spouses, rebellious adult children, serious illness and loss of jobs are only a few. Are you still hopeful for change or has your hope begun to evaporate like steam from a tea pot? What are you doing to foster hope? If you don't take care of it, hope will disappear entirely.

Here are a few suggestions (for even the most happy and optimistic people) to nurture their "hope bank."

Keep a journal that only includes the good things that happen (even the tiniest)
Reflect on times in the past when a positive change has happened to you
Fill your mind with uplifting thoughts (be aware of when your mind starts to go down a path of despair and reroute your thinking)
Be certain that your circle of friends includes at least one person who always has encouraging things to say (the more of these friends the better...be sure to return the favor instead of draining them!) If you're lacking these types of friendships, be intentional about pursuing new ones.
Read the Bible. It is full of stories of amazing change to inspire more faith...hope and faith are partners.
Read a book of Bible promises as a reminder of what God can and says He will do.
Pray. Pour your heart's desires out to the Lord. Let it be a time of emotional cleansing if you need it. Don't stop after you've told Him what you want to change. Listen to what He might be telling you in answer to your plea. Write it down as a letter from God to you.
Think and talk about the future in terms of already having arrived at a better place in life. "When I'm feeling better..." or "When my husband agrees to counseling..." Don't limit yourself to wishful or "if only" statements.

I recently saw this quote but don't know the author: "If nothing was ever allowed to change, where would butterflies come from?"

I pray that in 2010 you see many new butterflies in your life. Happy New Year.

Diane Markins

What's Done is Done

2009-12-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

What's done is done. I'm not talking about accepting consequences or painful circumstances. I'm being literal. As of today (December 20^th), what I've gotten done is all that's getting done for Christmas this year.

In years past I'm typically bouncing around like a monkey on speed by this date. I dart from one store to the next looking for stocking stuffers, a wish-list item, something to wear to a party or ingredients for a dish I still have to prepare.

This year I'm going to sit down with a cup of eggnog and watch an old Christmas movie—maybe even two, then take a nap and maybe bake some cookies...because those are things I enjoy. Some of my friends may even get a plate of cookies (if I don't eat all of them myself), some may not...hopefully they know I love them even if the cookies aren't on time.

I'm going to do a little service work, distributing toys at the Salvation Army warehouse and at church on Christmas Eve. I'm not going to be rushed or upset that I have to fit those things in because I'm eliminating other things that don't matter as much.

In lieu of the gifts I was unable to purchase, I'm going to make up a hand-written gift certificate (no fancy computer graphics)...just a simple explanation of what I want to give. I'll pay up and they know where to find me.

I may take a leisurely drive to enjoy Christmas lights or sit outside with my husband by the chiminea (a portable clay fireplace from Mexico) with a cup of cocoa. I won't be wrapping after midnight or cooking at two a.m. If I'm up early it will be to spend a little extra quiet time alone with God.

My dogs may get a bath and (adorned with a bow) they might get to strut around the neighborhood. We'll wish everyone we meet a Merry Christmas. I will make some phone calls to check in with loved ones far away, skipping the Ecards because it is so delightful to hear their voices.

I won't worry about anything that wasn't done by today, including a longer blog post. I hope you are done too, and I wish you a blessed and peaceful Christmas.

Diane Markins

The Cross: Still Meaningful?

2009-12-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

Art, Symbol, Legacy...You Decide

Crosses are very popular. A statement of faith, or not—they hang on chains, adorning movie stars, characters on TV shows, country singers and rap artists. Limitless in style, shape, design and color, each represents artistic uniqueness.

But while these may only look like diverse pieces of jewelry to the casual observer, the reality is that their origins reveal a rich and powerful legacy. In Judith Couchman's new book, The Mystery of the Cross; Bringing Ancient Christian Images to Life (IVP), we get a glimpse into the myriad meanings of the cross through history via her short study of 40 images. Crosses represented all that Christians believed and how they approached life. They were significant, not just an accessory or bling.

When I picked up the book I was immediately drawn to number 19, A Cross in the Desert because I live smack in the middle of one. She describes in poetic detail the hope instilled in ancient travelers as they arrived at Mount Sinai's Saint Catherine's Monastery and looked upon the "Sinai Christ." This iconic carving depicts a life-sized Jesus holding the Gospel with a jewel-encrusted cross on the cover. Can you imagine the impact this would have had on depleted, road-weary pilgrims as they first laid eyes on it?

Couchman talks about the tradition of taking times of solitude in the desert to separate from the distractions of life. The heat, the absence of life-giving water and even the quiet make the desert an unappealing choice. But sometimes a bit of stark, harsh isolation is the only thing that will ultimately draw us back to the foot of the true cross. She expresses the value of her own experiences in the desert, encouraging diversion-challenged Believers to consider their own pilgrimage, however brief.

In number 26, Coins for the Kingdom, she paints a picture of the significance of the cross on ancient Roman currency:

In our own uncertain times, Roman "cross coins" speak to us about the true source of security. Ultimately, we can't depend on coins or paper money or employment or prosperity to provide daily necessities or secure the future...When economies falter, we're led back to Christ's words. His promise of provision transcends the transition of world leaders, the pillage of empires and the collapse of economies. He assures us: in God we can trust.

Remember the rich heritage of the cross when you see it dangling from an earlobe, decorating an Easter cookie or shining atop the roof of your church. Take a few seconds to consider the story and the mystery it represents. Don't disregard or disrespect its significance—artistically or as a tangible symbol of hope to people throughout history.

Whether you're a history buff, an art lover or a person who is merely curious about the origins and meaning of this enduring symbol of faith, The Mystery of the Cross is interesting, enlightening and inspirational. It can be found at your local bookstore, on the internet or at InterVarsity Press online.

What comes to mind as you think of the cross? Do you have a favorite image or piece of jewelry? Has it become passé or secular? Is it important to you to preserve its iconic significance? Comment below.

Diane Markins

Give Me a Break!

2009-12-02T06:01:00.000-08:00

Some Thoughts on West and Wewaxation (as Elmer Fudd would say)

As a child my models for being a wife and mom (my mother and grandmother) were servants first. They met every need the family had, served in church and took care of extended family as well as neighbors in need. They prepared meals others enjoyed (no thought to their own preferences), took the drumstick instead of the breast, and often insisted their family rest and leave chores to them.

In the early days of caring for my own home and family I applied these same methods. I remember one day, when I was pregnant with my second child, waking up face-down on my bed in a pile of clean laundry—one sock still in my hand. I had simply collapsed from exhaustion.

Fortunately, my husband had a different kind of role model and (with on-going battles) he helped me learn that caring for everyone-all-the-time wasn't in my job description; that my loved ones were capable and needed to take more responsibility.

I was admittedly a slow learner, and a bit stubborn, but as time went on I learned there was much freedom and peace for all of us when I let people do their own jobs. Letting go of guilt as I rested and watched others labor was tough initially, but each time I saw their satisfied faces when they had accomplished something on their own, it became a little easier.

Following is an excerpt from Joan C. Webb's book It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive Too Hard to Make it Just Right (Regal, 2009). I was delighted to participate in Joan's Blog tour. For tomorrow's stop, click here and this link will show you the whole schedule. As a recovering work-aholic and perfectionist, Joan has been a powerful inspiration to me.

Diane Markins

Rest Regardless

He restores my soul. Psalm 23:3

"Whenever I say I need to rest or take a nap, I get dirty looks from my family," said a coaching client. "This pushes my button and keeps me moving. Lately I've realized I let their reactions control me. Should I stop to rest even if they don't like it?"

This reminded me of a conversation I had with an executive friend who said, "God has specifically told me to take care of myself this year and stop doing for everybody else what they can do for themselves or what someone other than me can do to help. He assured me he doesn't want me to work so hard that my health is negatively affected. I will obey him and include space and rest into my life. But here's the rub: Others don't appreciate that I've changed my modus operandi. I'm getting flack."

I understand. Some of us have taught others that we're super-women—willing, skilled and available to make life easier for them. When this is the case, it is unlikely they'll suggest we relax, or be pleased if we choose to take time off. But here's what my client and the executive—and I—have learned: We don't have to wait until someone else notices our exhaustion and suggests we take a break. God grants us permission to take responsibility for ourselves. He loves to replenish our souls, and we can cooperate with Him regardless of what others say or do.

Lord, I want a balanced life of doing, trusting and resting.

*Bonus: If you post a comment you'll be entered in a drawing to receive a signed copy of the book! (Make sure I can contact you) DM

Who Knows More About Health Care Crisis than Docs?

2009-11-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

Ask Them!

My name, as well as two others, was called by the man wearing blue scrubs. The three of us, all strangers, gathered our personal belongings from the waiting room and followed him down the hall. As we marched along, he stopped at various doors and directed each of us to step inside different ones and have a seat; he'd be "right with us." When he entered my exam room a few minutes later, I realized this was the doc I'd come to see.

"I can't really afford to pay extra assistants any more and can bring people back myself," he replied to my surprised comment. I was impressed with the way he multi-tasked without losing the smile on his face. "Just like most businesses, my practice is down by about 30 percent." He told me he works six days a week just to get by and may be looking for other career options in the future. This off-the-record doc is not alone. Investor's Business Daily reported that hundreds of thousands of practicing doctors (45%) would consider quitting if Obamacare passes.

I'm a fan of physician's assistants and nurse practitioners for sinus infections and strep throat, but for serious and complex medical conditions, I want to be treated by a board certified doctor. If docs start retiring or becoming golf pros and travel agents it will take months to get appointments, our time in the waiting room will be much longer and some of those who treat us may have a language barrier preventing us from accurately communicating our conditions.

I got the same story from my gynecologist and ophthalmologist as well as my family practice physician. They seem to be working longer and harder than ever, for less income. They all agreed that there need to be changes to our healthcare system, but none thought the proposed plan would adequately do the trick. Doctors don't want to get pigeon-holed about politics, they'd rather just be able to give good patient care, but this issue is forcing them to speak up.

"Doctors, while professionals and primarily concerned about our patients, are also small business owners," Dr. Harry Watters said. "We have employees who deserve good wages and benefits, but if we can't afford to pay them appropriately, our practices suffer." Watters, who has practiced gynecology and obstetrics in Chandler since 1983, believes the proposed plan will result in many doctors closing their practices. "The brightest and best students won't choose medicine as a profession, adding to the demise of healthcare in the US," he continued.

There are myriad reasons for the financial challenges medical practices are facing. Dr. Frank Caserta, a Tempe ophthalmologist says, "I collected 65 cents on every dollar billed just 10 years ago, but now that's down to only 43 cents on the dollar." And things are likely to get worse. All US doctors are slated to take a 21% decrease in their Medicare rates by January 1, 2010 unless Congress takes action.

"I lose a giant chunk of time and money every year just fighting with insurance companies about bills they are contracted to pay," said Dr. Roger McCoy in Ahwatukee. "This makes it difficult for me and stressful for my patients. What other type of company could get away with those kinds of business practices?"

While the American Medical Association (AMA) has come out in favor of the President's healthcare plan, McCoy is quick to point out that its membership is a mere 29% of doctors in the US. And not all members support the plan as evidenced by those defecting from the AMA. Many doctors believe that insurance and tort reform would go much further to improve our healthcare system than anything currently proposed.

Is our system perfect? By no means. But from what I understand, the proposed plan will cause an increase in the cost of insurance to the 85% of us who are currently insured and will reduce services to seniors via decreased Medicare benefits. It seems that most doctors don't like this plan, the majority of voters don't like this plan (according to recent polls) and we'll see what kind of convictions those in elected offices have in the upcoming weeks.

Regardless of your political affiliation or interest in politics, the future of our nation's healthcare hangs in the balance. Ask your own doctor and do some independent research to learn how this will affect you. Find out how many (or few) people will actually be helped by the proposed plan. Then talk about it...with friends, neighbors, co-workers and especially your elected representatives. Pray that those making the decisions won't cast votes based on politics but on conscience and wisdom in the best interest of everyone.
Share your thoughts below and forward this post to health care professionals to chime in.
Diane Markins

Thankful for Family? Some are Hurting, but Here's Help

2009-11-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

As we enter this week of Thanksgiving, at the top of most of our lists is family. What value is health, an impressive job, a fancy car or beautiful home without people who love us? Some of us have family nearby, others have loved ones far away and still others are blessed with a church family who adores them. As with all things we are grateful for, we must invest in and protect this treasure. Whether you are married, single, old or young, it is wise to pause for a moment and say thanks for your blessings. But also to consider how well you are caring for these gifts.

Pastor Michael Tucker is the founder of 21 ^st Century Ministries, a non profit organization which supports pastors, churches and hurting people. In his journey of comforting, counseling and assisting individuals and families in pain, he has gained some significant insights that could really help you and your family, or tips to use as you try to give others a hand.

Following are some of his insights excerpted from his newsletter:

1. Most families are much, much too busy. People are so busy that they don't have time for the development of good relationships in the family. Parents need to learn to say "no" to good things for their children. Let each child help select 1-3 activities/sports outside the home. But each child being involved in four or more activities causes too much stress and frustration to the entire family.

2. Many couples have no understanding of how to spend time together. Watching TV together doesn't count as family time. Lots of people are so engaged with sports, exercise and hobbies that they have no time left for a husband or wife.

3. It is a mistake not to include weekly worship in the family schedule. Some people treat church attendance like attendance at a concert. They go occasionally, but they are not committed to the church. Children in these families learn that church attendance is not very important4. Raising children is increasingly difficult after a divorce. In most cases, economic problems and custody/visitation issues dominate the parents' lives following a marriage break-up. People sob out their stories of ex-spouses and step-parents taking their children to R-rated movies and unacceptable religious meetings. Christian parents must endure watching their kids live part-time with adults who curse and practice unbiblical values.

Many people say that their family is the most important thing in their lives. But in reality they live as though their job or their own personal pleasures are far more important. Investing in your marriage and family takes lots of time and tremendous effort. But the result is so rewarding and fulfilling.

Pastor Tucker suggests that If you are struggling in your marriage or having difficulty with your children, take the following steps:

Examine your priorities
Be sure that God is central in your life, marriage and family.
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Don't expect another person to do what only God can do.
Get help! There are many good Christian counselors and pastors who can give you assistance.

I would add to this that if you're single, don't have children or are just living in a blissful, stress-free season of life, don't tune these suggestions out. Consider how you can live your life in a way that prepares you for these challenges. What are you most grateful for and what can you do to show God and your loved ones that they matter most? Share your comments.
Diane Markins

PS I am overwhelmingly thankful for those who read these posts and send me encouraging notes to keep me at it.

*Please send Mike Tucker a note of gratitude, ask him a question or contribute to his ministry so he can continue helping others. He can be reached @ MichaelTuc@aol.com or www.21stCenturyMinistries.org.

Sports Brings out Rotten Fruit

2009-11-15T06:01:00.000-08:00

How's the Fruit in Your Basket?

Each of us has a fruit basket. The Bible calls the contents "fruits of the spirit." But what's in your basket? And almost as important, how are you helping the future leaders of our country fill theirs? Being diverse in my posts each week is important to me. I try to switch-up often...if I talk about a deep spiritual issue one week, the next I'll do something lighter or humorous. If I talk about parenting, I try to avoid the topic for the next few weeks or months. So I'm stepping outside my own boundaries as I revisit a topic I wrote about a few weeks ago (Sept 20, 2009): bad sportsmanship.

As I watched my boys (Arizona Cardinals) play Da Bears November 8th, I was stunned during one play when Chicago's defensive tackle Tommie Harris threw a massive punch at Cards' offensive lineman Deuce Lutui. These are both giant guys and football is a really physical game, so what's the big deal? At the time of the assault, Lutui was lying still and face-down on the turf. Harris was immediately ejected from the game and has since offered extensive public apologies.

But this is just the latest in a stream of unsportsmanlike behavior in recent weeks. On September 3^rd, Oregon tailback LeGarrette Blount sucker-punched Byron Hout, a Boise State player, after the game. Hout was smiling and oblivious as he walked off the field when Blount creamed him.

And it isn't just the boys. University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert was caught in high def as she slapped, punched and kicked her way through the Mountain West Conference Women's Soccer semi-final last Thursday against Brigham Young University. The grand finale has been replayed time and again (often in slow motion) as she powerfully yanked a girl to the ground by her pony tail.

Then, last week there was a brawl on the field of a girls' high school soccer match in Rhode Island, igniting a big scuffle in the stands among fans.

Where is all this ugliness coming from? When I participated in youth sports (many, many years ago) and even when my kids played, rules were made clear and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the consequences for breaking them would be severe, even if you were provoked or called a nasty name.

These are games, not warfare. This is not a matter of life or death, kill or be killed. There has obviously been a breakdown somewhere along the line. But I'll leave that to another analyst.

I want to get back to fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..." There seem to be some empty baskets out there; people of all races, ages and genders who are exhibiting the opposite of these traits on game fields everywhere.

I'm not implying that you have to be soft, passive or indifferent while playing a game. Kurt Warner is (again) a great example of this. He is an intense, tough competitor but never lacks self-control. He isn't narcissistic or arrogant; he gives his best efforts (within the rules of the game) to help his team win. He doesn't hate the opponent, and in fact is known to offer encouragement to those not wearing Cardinal red.

I challenge you to look around this week for young people to influence. Your children or grandkids, neighbor kids, nieces and nephews...or volunteer to mentor a child...but there is a gaping hole when it comes to good influence. Helping young ones learn this important lesson, through the obvious example of sports, will affect the future of our country. Sounds lofty, I know, but these same kids will be voting and shaping public policies in the years to come. Fair play, selflessness, humility and generosity are traits that will be enormous assets as they decide our future.

Find kids with "empty baskets" or baskets filled with rotting fruit and help them to fill it up with plenty of good stuff. Have you seen recent examples of rotten fruit? What are you (or someone you know) doing to replenish or refresh a kid's fruit basket? Share below.
Diane Markins

Is Obstinance Slowing You Down?

2009-11-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

"Stubbornness is the strength of the weak." Johann Kaspar Lavater

We all know them...those people who won't budge unless it's their idea. Have you ever tried to take a big dog for a walk when he didn't want to go? It can be comical, but frustrating.

I was enjoying an exhilarating run on my horse years ago when suddenly she came to an instant halt. Needless to say, I didn't. I continued my ride, but with no horse underneath. After I recovered my breath, if not my dignity, I walked 20 feet to where the mare stood waiting. I was furious and confused about why she would do this to me. I got back on and attempted to nudge her forward, but she wasn't about to move. After a bit of investigating, I saw that there was a cluster of boxed beehives just ahead. I hadn't been aware of the hazard but she was, and stubbornly kept us both safe.

On another occasion (with a different horse), I was riding my gelding (a neutered boy horse) with another person. We were on a trail heading up a mountain when I noticed that the mare wasn't very happy about my horse's nose getting so close to her rear end. (She was a lady, after all) I reined him in and tried to keep him at a comfortable distance, but he strained closer. Shortly, she sent a strong back let toward his amorous mug, but instead, connected with my shin. Imagine getting slammed in the leg with a baseball bat. I saw tweeting birds and bright lights for a while before I was able to continue back down the mountain.

People can be stubborn too...sometimes for prudent reasons and sometimes for ego or purely for pleasure. The next time you encounter a person who seems impossibly obstinate, examine what their motives are. Perhaps there is fear, insecurity or sincere caution keeping them from making a new move.

If you're the stubborn one, begin to give more thought to why you insist on doing things your way. If it's just habit or convenience, try opening your mind to fresh pathways. You'll likely arrive at the same destination but people around you won't feel like they've been kicked or thrown down. Old dogs (as well as horses and people) can learn new tricks if they're willing to try.

Who's the most stubborn person in your life? Why do you think they have this reputation and what is their motive? How's all that obstinate behavior workin' out?

Diane Markins

Flex Your Faith Muscles

2009-11-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

How Much Further Can You Go if You Stretch?

Are you fat, lazy and graceless...in your faith? When was the last time you truly worked on your faith muscles? Just as our bones hold us up and our ligaments and skin keep everything contained, our salvation faith—what Christ did on the cross—will sustain us. But in order to keep our faith growing and in good shape, we need to exercise our faith muscles.

I recently saw a great example of this as my pastor stretched his faith muscles. He talked about the importance of tithing. Not just how much it means to God, but what a blessing it is to the giver. As he concluded he offered a money-back guarantee to anyone who committed to give at least 10 percent of their earnings for 90 days. If anyone wasn't satisfied with the resultant blessings in their life, the church would reimburse them. This has nothing to do with material gain, but with receiving intangible rewards like peace, provision, comfort and joy. By stretching his faith muscles this pastor inspired others to begin stretching theirs as well.

Our faith muscles will atrophy if we don't use them. We need to stretch them and build them up for strength. As we stretch them beyond the limit of our comfort (only as far as they typically go every day) we allow ourselves greater flexibility, grace and longer strides. After we stretch and begin to move more freely, we also begin to gain strength of faith.

In my family each of us has been stretching our faith muscles lately. My son went to Zimbabwe and stayed with strangers, having many experiences that stretched him. His wife took care of everything alone while he was away. My daughter has a new management job and is learning to step out in authority that has been given to her. My husband is strengthening as he finds creative ways to keep our business alive and all our employees working in a bad economy. Others are flexing new muscles as they relax and trust God for healing.

Every word I write is my effort at extending my tight faith muscles. They want to hold me back and keep me in the same spot, but God says that I need to push back and go beyond my point of comfort—even if it hurts. I want to see how strong my faith can get; what I can accomplish, but this will only be realized if I (and YOU) stop being a spectator and begin exercising faith muscles to the point that they are sore and tired.

What new thing could you try? What could you do better? Where is God working that you could join Him if you just stretched a tiny bit? Comment about your faith fitness goals or challenges below.
Diane Markins

Pets are Better than Grandkids (Right?)

2009-10-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled" ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

When many people see the odometer of their life roll over from the 40s to the 50s, they get to enjoy the new addition of grandchildren. Not so with my husband and me. Our kids are young and in less of a hurry than we are. So what we have are pets. I've decided to look on the bright side of this instead of pouting and complaining. There truly is a silver lining. Our pets are awesome! If we ever feed them late, yell at them or swat them for bad behavior, nobody calls the police.

Our Rottweiler, Ziggy is very smart. She knows many commands and is fairly obedient. Rocky, the yorky-poo knows fewer commands and has selective obedience--but what he lacks in smarts he makes up for in cute. The tom cat (who looks like Sylvester) is smarter than all of us but completely oblivious of our expectations--or even our existence, unless his dish is bare. But he is soft and cuddly (when he wants to be), which satisfies my need to hug something small and warm.

Once Ziggy ate a full pound of M & Ms. (I've tried this and it isn't a good idea.) We were unaware of her culinary adventure but noticed she was acting a little sluggish. Soon a strange odor permeated our house, but it was impossible to locate the source. After searching tirelessly for the mysterious stench, we picked up the sofa cushion and discovered that she'd performed a new trick. She'd lifted the cushion (presumably with her nose) and barfed on the lining of the couch, put the empty bag on top and set the cushion back in place. We had to throw the sofa away. How many grandchildren are this creative?

Grandchildren are often very choosy about their clothes. Our dogs go naked or wear any stupid thing we put on them (football jerseys, Halloween costumes, sunglasses...) Grandkids can be picky eaters. Our dogs will eat anything and they are very helpful about cleaning up. When I drop food while cooking, it usually doesn't even hit the floor. Now, that's a clear demonstration of ambition and dexterity.

Rocky can do a few tricks. He swims with the big dog and retrieves balls, he can dance and walk on his back legs (if I lead the way with a cookie), and he does heiny scoots on the rug sometimes. This last one was learned on his own and earns no rewards when he performs it. I have yet to see a grandchild with such natural talent.

If a grandchild wakes you up in the night, it means you have to take care of him. If my pets wake me up it means there is an intruder lurking nearby;they take care of us. Each time we come home (whether it's returning from buying milk or a week-long vacation) our animals are delighted and enthusiastic to see us. I've seen grandchildren run and hide—or at least do eye-rolls—when grandparents show up. Oh, and saying, "my grandchild..." makes you sound old, saying, "my little doggie" doesn't denote your age.

I believe I've made a good argument for my position: It is much better to have pets than grandchildren...at least until we get some of our own! (No pressure intended, kids) Share your pet exploits or grandparent stories below.
Diane Markins

Local Joints--No Chains for Better Dining Adventure

2009-10-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

There are no surprises with chain establishments, but what fun is that?

Growing up we didn't eat out much, so when we did it was kind of a big deal. When my kids were little we ate at home during the week, but frequently had Friday dinners out someplace—usually Mexican food (what do you expect, we live in Phoenix!). This was sort of a treat as well and going someplace fancy was a real bonus.

Now, it seems that whole balance has been reversed. I'm embarrassed to confess that as empty-nesters we eat out as many (or more) nights as we stay in. I'm an OK cook but just never got the bug that many women (and men) get to follow Rachel Ray's recipes or be an Emeril-type chef at home. I grill a lot, make the old standards like meatloaf and pasta dishes and once in a while try something adventurous. It's fine, but the effort-to-enjoyment ratio (no matter how wonderful the outcome) just never seems to balance out. Maybe you get total satisfaction and it's worth every minute; not me.

Also, my husband loves to go out for dinner. Maybe my cooking is even worse than I know, but I think it's more that he doesn't like me to have to put such effort into something that is done and gone in just a few minutes. Then there's always the cleanup and that delays one, or both of us from sitting down and enjoying our evening together.

The problem now lies in finding new options. We like to stay close to home, especially midweek, and don't want to drop loads of cash, so seeking out places that fill these requirements is a challenge.

My husband really likes Applebee's for a midweek meal. He likes their steaks and riblets and I don't mind some of their salads. But chain restaurants are not my first choice, although we do love our buddies at Carrabba's. I'm not even remotely a food snob, I just enjoy the uniqueness of little neighborhood places. Getting to know (and be known by) the proprietors and servers makes it feel homey and comfortable, like grandma's kitchen or Cheers. The freedom they have to top off your glass of wine or refill your soup without "ringing it up" makes it feel more like a family affair than a transaction.

My local favorites include Skip and Jan's Sports Bar, Ruffino's Italian Cuisine, Sign of the Whale, Arrivederci Ristorante and CK's Tavern and Grill. The newest addition to my list is Casey Moore's. The food is tasty, comes out fast and the company is good at these spots. The owners and servers always treat frequent diners like friends instead of clients. And, as Bob Barker would say, "The price is right."

Wherever you are, surely you have a few favorites of your own. Tell us where and why you like them. I'll be in Boston this week...any great hole-in-the-wall joints to suggest? Comment below.
Diane Markins

Powerful Group Prayer (Stop the Shallow Rambling)

2009-10-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Please pray for Nellie's cousin's neighbor's lost dog in Bora Bora."

I got the following letter and decided it needed to be shared. This woman is relatively new in her faith journey but she's echoing thoughts that most of us have had about group prayer. Her honesty and candor are truly refreshing and you may laugh as you recall times you've felt the same way.

I'd guess all of us have wondered (at one point) if there's some unspoken prayer etiquette that isn't freely shared. Should there be? Many facilitators don't have the slightest notion of how to guide group prayer sessions: keeping things relevant to those present, regulating each person's amount of time to share, and making sure that everyone feels that their needs matter. I could offer up some sage advice, but since I know the collective wisdom of many of my readers, I'm asking for you to respond to her inquiry. We all want to experience God's amazing presence when two or more are gathered in His name, so let's remember times when praying in a group was a supernatural jolt, not a frustrating snooze-fest. Here's what she says:

Dear Diane,

I'm having a difficult time with something and would like your input. Here's the scenario:

I'm at church at a women's group table and the leader asks, "Before we begin, does anyone have any prayer requests?" I do an internal eye roll because I know what's coming. Inevitably, someone wants us all to pray for Aunt Joan's neighbor's mole that might be cancerous, or their sister's friend (who lives 1,000 miles away) whose son is in the military and being sent overseas, or a child they heard about on the internet who is missing.

That drives me crazy! For several reasons:

1) I want to say, "Since I don't know Aunt Joan, nor will I probably ever meet her neighbor, please tell me what is on YOUR heart. I want to pray for YOU, the person I can see right now, who is in my life and who I want to get to know better. Are these people so holy that they truly think only of others and don't need any prayers for themselves? Or are they using the mole to cover up their true prayer requests so no one can really get to know them?

2) Sometimes I feel like people live for any miniscule amount of drama they can muster up in their lives. I, for one, go out of my way to avoid drama and/or encourage it in others. So do I have an attitude of not wanting to pray for what I am judging in others to be merely drama?

3) By the time it gets around to my turn for the prayer request, I usually pass. Or minimize what I really want to say. There are several reasons for this as well: First, my "woes" are nothing in comparison to everyone else's. Second, I don't really know these people all that well; will I be judged for asking them to pray for ME? Whatever is going on with me will eventually pass. I will pray in private to God about it and together we'll figure it out. Last, I feel like the prayer request time has been set up to be a quick snippet— a one sentence quickie prayer. I don't really want to take up everyone's time with my "stuff" when it will take away time from the group. Besides, if no one else is being "real", why would they want to hear about my struggles? I want to give anyone who is willing to share their heart with me my undivided time and attention, and I want the same in return.

4) I still feel fairly new to all this Christian stuff, so I wonder if I really know what I'm talking about.

Do you have answers for her? I think lots of new believers as well as ministry leaders would love to hear them.
Diane Markins

Internet Intervention

2009-10-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Do You Need Cyberspace Rehab?

Facebook and Twitter are only a couple of the social media networks I'm on and I find it a bit shocking to see the number of times many people comment in any 24-hour period. There are countless quizzes passed around involving such as pet's names, fantasy vacations and one's similarities to movie stars. People actually share what they have for breakfast as though anyone reading will find it noteworthy.

I began participating in social media a couple years ago because that's the current wisdom for writers and speakers to "build a platform." I don't know how valid it is but I'm blogging, tweeting and posting comments in an effort to find out. In order to remain true to my mantra about being "connected" and in deeper relationships, I don't just put my info out there. I do my best to engage others, affirming and encouraging as I relate to them. This requires an investment of time, which is a precious commodity (at least to me).

As I watch some of the content and by inference based on frequency of posts, I'm getting a sense that people can become addicted to all of this. I jokingly posted this comment; "They need to invent gum or a patch for twitter addicts" which was widely re-tweeted (copied and passed on), confirming my hunch.

I do know several moms who have had to take severe measures with their nearly-adult sons to separate them from computer gaming. This can be terribly destructive. And worse is something called Second Life, a virtual world where people create new identities for themselves then meet and interact with others as though it's all real. I know one man whose marriage ended when his wife became obsessed with Second Life and began a virtual extra-marital affair (in her false identity) with another "resident" in this world. Whoa Nelly! That's a lot to grasp. (And the pervasive challenge of internet porn isn't even in this discussion)

A new mental illness coined Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) is gaining attention by healthcare professionals. So much so that a rehab facility has just opened to treat patients who are unable to control their use of the internet and/or internet-based games. Near Seattle, Heavensfield Retreat Center specializes in recovery for IAD sufferers. This six-week program, costing around $15,000, focuses on helping the person learn to engage in life again (via nature, relationships, exercise, and therapy) sans electronic media.

Are you getting the point? This could happen to anyone and it's insidious. Perhaps boundary-setting about the duration and extent of use is a good idea from the get-go. Maybe even an accountability partner (someone with whom you've agreed to be totally honest) to check in with is worth exploring. And I'm talking about adults. There is no question as to whether these tactics (and more) should be implemented for our children.

Here's the challenge: journal or chart every minute you are emailing, texting, IMing, participating in any social network or online game for a seven day period. Maybe we all need to take a step away from the keyboard. Or maybe you don't see any potential problem and believe the efficiency is worth such minimal risks. Your thoughts? If you've used up your allowed internet time, feel free to mail me a letter or wait til next week to post your comment below.
Diane Markins

"He's Goin' Deep!"

2009-09-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

A Football Metaphor

He's going deep! This is always the most exciting proclamation we can hear while watching (American) football (second only to Touchdown!) It means the receiver is running all-out, giving everything he's got to get to the far end of the field at the precise moment that long pass is intended to drop into his hands. We are riveted as we know this is a huge risk, but that something exciting and wonderful hangs in the balance. Or that we could be in for a massive disappointment if he drops the ball—worse, if it's intercepted by the other team.

If all you got out of that last colorful paragraph is blah blah blah football, I get it; you're not a fan of the game, but please don't tune out just yet. Relax, this isn't actually about sports at all, but for gridiron girls like me (and lots of men) this will make for an easy metaphor.

I'm actually talking about relationships and listening. (Now I'm losing the football fans! Oh well, can't please everyone.) Most men and lots of women like to keep conversations shallow; they don't want to risk going deep. Unfortunately if our conversations aren't deep our relationships can't be either. It's only as we break below the surface of casual information that we can truly know one another.

Why, then do we opt for short passes (a tiny hint of meaningful sharing), hand-offs (exchanging pleasantries, then quickly moving on) or scrambling and running with the ball ourselves (How's it goin'? See ya!) It's much safer, takes a lot less energy and requires much less time to maintain conversations (and relationships) at a superficial level.

Clearly throwing the long bomb means there is much more to lose, but there is also potential for huge gain. In this metaphor, we're all quarterbacks of our own teams. The decision-making and execution of what to do with the ball (each conversation) rests with us. Face it; it hurts to get slammed to the ground (if someone rejects us), it's disappointing when the intended receiver drops the pass (doesn't reciprocate) and it's humiliating if the pass is intercepted (our friend beats a hasty retreat). But, no pain—no gain comes to mind (what metaphor would be complete without a cliché?)

Next time you run into a neighbor at the mailbox, see an old college friend at a game or begin a chat with the parent of your kid's best pal; risk it! Be decisive and initiate a deeper conversation. It's pretty exciting when you see their eyes light up and a connection is made. And no one ever died from a flubbed pass or a failed conversation.

The reward will be worth it as significant friendships are formed. When the time comes that you need support, kindness and sympathy (and it will come) your risk of throwing the long pass will pay off. What is the touchdown experience? Being surrounded by loving, caring people to pick you up and keep you from getting hit again.

What's keeping you from going deep? Comment about a failed attempt or a time when you went deep and scored a friendship.
Diane Markins

Bad Sportsmanship on the Rise

2009-09-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

Kanye West and Serena Williams Model Lack of Grace

Did ya see it last weekend? The US Open women's finals. Not the match but the Serena-throw-down with a line judge. The tennis was sort of mediocre in the games leading up to the real excitement, Serena Williams' temper tantrum. She was losing badly against Kim Clijsters and, after slamming a racket to smithereens earlier in the match, finally went off on a tiny line judge exclaiming, "If I could, I would take this ****ing ball and shove it down your ****ing throat!" Wow! Where were those uniformed officials holding up signs saying Quiet? This is a civilized sport.

The token $10,000 fine imposed on her is a drop in the bucket compared to the $450,000 she earned from this tournament alone. An investigation will determine whether Williams committed a major offense. If so, she could lose all these winnings and be suspended from next year's tournament. And although she made a statement that indicated awareness of her abysmal behavior she has yet to offer a real apology.

I hope she gets much harsher penalties. I hated the earlier days of John McEnroe's ridiculous antics. He would rant at judges and even ball boys. This opened the door for many children to become maniacs in their little league games and pee wee soccer matches.

When my son began playing competitive racquetball he was only seven. We went to the junior national championship tournament that year where he got his first exposure to competitors behaving like spoiled, self-centered children on the court. It only took one time for him to learn that this was not acceptable in our family. At a local event that same year he got very upset, yelling and stomping off in frustration. His dad explained that this behavior was the very opposite of sportsmanship and if it continued, he wouldn't be allowed to finish the match. Our son went on to play for many years, winning regional titles and national acclaim. He was frequently singled out for his graciousness and won a number of sportsmanship awards.

A few years after his wake-up experience, our son was playing little league and was stunned to see 10 and 11-year-old boys lose their composure, scream and even cry at games. He had learned that it is not only childish and self-indulgent but it is terribly counter-productive to improving your game. If you're falling apart, there is no focus for improved performance. Sports participation is a great opportunity for children to learn how to be graceful winners and gracious losers, both of which will happen to them in life.

Apparently no one taught rapper Kanye West this lesson as a child. He has repeatedly made an unattractive spectacle of himself at awards shows, first, beating a hasty retreat - midceremony - after losing the Best New Artist category to Gretchen Wilson in 2004 at the 32nd annual American Music Awards. Then on September 14 of this year he crashed the stage as Taylor Swift was accepting her award for Best Female Video at the VMA ceremony, exclaiming that Beyonce should have received it. Did he get arrested or tackled by security? No. We just allow it to go on.

Is good sportsmanship a lost art? Is being a gracious loser out of style? How will you show your opinion to celebrities who need to learn this lesson from their paying fans?

How did you learn, or teach your child about the importance of being a good sport?
Diane Markins

Is Realtiy TV Entertainment Or Even Real?

2009-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Are They Performers Or Are We Voyers?

Reality TV. Seems like an oxymoron to me. Have you ever watched any of these programs? I've seen little bits of a few—enough to know that they're not my cup of entertainment tea. I like real life stories and I like TV; but most of these dumb shows under the umbrella of "reality" are far from real.

I watched a few episodes of the first season of Survivor because it was new and intriguing. There was a challenge to overcome, relationship conflicts to resolve, something of value on the line and all being done by everyday folks. Um, does this sound familiar? Is there a single show out there that doesn't follow this pattern? America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, American Idol , The Bachelor...just to name a few that are promoted constantly...don't they all fit this formula? Different people, settings, challenges and prizes, but who wants to watch the same theme again and again?

Even the shows that are "personality driven" like Keeping Up With The Kardashians or Gene Simmons Family Jewels are about as far from reality as Peter Pan ever traveled. These people's lives are likely not the same as mine and yours, but could they possibly be as bizarre as they're depicted in prime time? And the dialog...certainly that's spontaneous and natural, not scripted. Right! I've caught snippets of both and feel like a Peeping Tom, watching the cattiness of sisters on one, the outrageousness of a post-prime rock star on the other. At least there is humor and some self-deprecation on the Simmons show. They laugh at themselves, which is the only redeeming quality I've found.

There is so much junk on television for consumers to lap up like buckets of beer. If any beer will do, or for that matter any beverage at all, this is fine. But for those who have only a small fragment of their day to spend enjoying a bit of down-time in front of the box, discernment is crucial.

I'm a sucker for a fast cop show, strong medical drama or good comedy. What makes it entertaining to me is a well-written script performed by talented artists. The reality programs are more like a freak show or a car wreck; you might want to take a quick peek, but feel better when you look away.

I always get comments from those wonderful high-minded people who condemn the evils of wasting even a minute on TV, but since about 99% of American households have televisions I guess more than a few of you are familiar with some current programming choices. I'd like to know honestly if you spend any of you viewing minutes on these types of shows and why or why not. Obviously millions are watching, so fess up!
Diane Markins

Eliminate the "C" Word

2009-09-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Cancer Can Hit You Too. Jump in and DO SOMETHING!

Of all the horrible words I can think of, the "C" word is my least favorite. Cancer. Every single one of us has known people who battled a type of this disease. Some won, some lost and some continue to fight. While my family history is replete with heart problems and diabetes, my husband's family is rife with cancer victims. This means my children stand to inherit more than our life insurance money because they have the same genetics coursing through their bodies.

When my husband was diagnosed at age 46 with prostate cancer (20 years below the national average) it was frightening and consuming. We could hardly breathe initially and began a frantic search for best options. Fortunately, because of early detection and medical advances, he was successfully treated and had a full recovery. He didn't have to endure sickening, long rounds of chemotherapy or lose his hair to radiation but surgery required some disciplined down-time.

As he went through this experience, he was surrounded by family and friends who kept in constant touch, prayed, joked and offered every kind of help. Many people walk this dark journey alone and many suffer greatly before succumbing to the ravages of the disease. He knows how blessed he is and frequently "evangelizes" to men about the critical importance of a yearly prostate check, including PSA blood tests.

Our friend Joel received his diagnosis at a much more advanced stage than my husband and he is suffering through much more difficult treatment, with less assurance of a winning outcome. His family is fearful and travel long distances to spend time with him. Others we know only hope to see a child graduate, get married or to see the face of a new grandchild before they lose the war.

You've certainly heard all this before but please don't get de-sensitized to the message. When it happens to the one you love most, this will become very real. It's already brutally real to those facing it today. Stand by them and stand in the gap to ensure that more people survive in the future. Please consider making a donation or participating in the event below. Do it for Joel in New York. Do it for Michelle in Ohio, a young mom battling ovarian cancer. Do it for Joann in Phoenix, a mom of three nearing the end of a losing battle with brain cancer. Do it in the name of a cancer victim you have loved or an unknown loved one who could fall victim in years to come. My husband, children and parents will be walking. Let us know if you'd like to support us or join us in the cause or donate on behalf of our efforts at Joni's link at the bottom of the page.

Below is a letter from Joni Corby, my sister-in-law, chronicling our family's relationship to cancer and a bit about our choice of how to fight back.

For the third year in a row, I am participating in the American Cancer Society "Relay for Life" fundraiser on Sept 26^th. Many in our family have battled cancer..........The survivors include Brad Markins (prostate cancer), Jim Markins (prostate cancer), Nancy Markins (melanoma cancer) and myself. (breast cancer). Some of us are currently fighting cancer..........Janet Markins (breast cancer) and Jerry Markins (prostate cancer). Some of us fought it in the past.......Nellie Markins (breast cancer), Joanna Romero (breast cancer) and Louise Dye.(lymphoma) Unfortunately, some in our family have lost the battle with cancer...........Danny Romero, Micki Romero, Penny Vandervier, Don Nelson and Tim Markins. You can find even more cases if you look to our extended families. (Forgive me if I am forgetting someone, but I think you can understand that cancer has certainly touched our family.)

I want to invite you to join me in the fight against cancer by making a donation in support of my efforts. Further down in this message is a link to my personal Relay For Life® web page where you can make an online contribution. Every amount, no matter how small, makes a difference and provides hope. I've made a goal of raising $1000.00.

You can make a personal donation (and I hope you will!) but I would like to challenge you to get even more involved by raising some money yourself as well toward this cause. You can forward this email (or just the link to my Relay for Life page) to your friends and other family members too. If everyone contributes something, we will make a difference.

If you're like me, you want to know how your donation is spent. Here is how a $1.00 donation is divided up:

$0.31 Research

$0.21 Detection/Treatment

$0.15 Patient services

$0.14 Prevention

$0.13 Fundraising

$0.06 Management/general

For those of you that live in the Phoenix area, I want to invite you to join me at the event itself on Sat Sept 26^th at 6 pm Boulder Creek High School in Anthem. It's a very moving experience to be a part of remembering those who have battled cancer as well as providing hope for those yet to be diagnosed. You can read more about it at www.relayforlife.org/anthemaz

Relay For Life® brings more than 3.5 million people from across the country together each year to celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against a disease that takes too much.

Thank you in advance for your support. Together, we will celebrate, remember, and fight back.

Click HERE to access my personal page to donate.
Love, Joni

Share your personal journey with cancer. We all need motivation and inspiration to take action!
Diane Markins

Sounds Like Life

2009-08-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced." 1st Peter 4:12

Country music artist, Darryl Worley's new song really struck a chord in my heart. His message? In the most encouraging way imaginable he's saying the same thing Don Henley sang in the 1994 Eagles' tune "Get Over It ."

While Worley's "Sounds Like Life to Me " is sweeter and more in the spirit of a pep talk, the Eagles' words are bare-bones honest and a bit harsh. Both serve a purpose that seems to be in short supply; a reality check for complainers and malcontents.

Face it; life can be hard. Things don't always go well and sometimes they get worse before they get better. This may seem like mercy isn't my strongest gift (it's not) but I think sometimes compassion's best companion is tough love. If life isn't all you'd hope it would be at this moment, be grateful for the blessings you have and stand firm in the knowledge that surely there is someone worse off than you. Maybe even someone who could use your help or encouragement.

My friend Doug is a seasoned and talented journalist who is working in what he calls a survival job. In a recent note he said:

"The hours (10 p.m. to 6 a.m.), pay (less than half of what I used to make) and commute (25 mi one-way) are not good. But I've always seen my work as my gift back to God, so I bust it every night for them -- and for Him. It's an entry-level job being done by a 30-year journalist (me), and there isn't much creative satisfaction in that. It's paying the bills, barely. There are many people in similar situations these days, so I am hardly alone...I treat myself to an iced tea every afternoon, and that represents luxury in life. The thing right now is that I remain obedient to God and continue to listen for His direction (always a good policy!). So I've renewed my commitment to study and prayer, just being still in His presence."

Then there's Natalie, a 20-year-old girl who has suffered every day for more than three years with migraine headaches.

"Pain medication doesn't help so I don't take much of anything. Complaining doesn't help so I try not to talk about it. I don't like seeing other people feel so awful because they know I'm hurting so I've gotten good at hiding it most of the time. I know God loves me and has allowed this in my life for some reason. I trust Him to get me through each minute of each day and rely on Him to give me hope that one day my pain will end and I'll get to have the kind of normal life other people have."

When you begin to feel too hot, tired, or bored... when you become frustrated because you can't take the vacation you've dreamed about or because your car is getting old; please pause and take another direction in your thinking before you speak it aloud because that Sounds Like Life To Me.

True or too harsh? Tell us what you think!
Diane Markins

Can You Forgive Michael Vick?

2009-08-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Is Forgiveness Selective Or Universal?

Are our beliefs, mandates and tenets of life absolute or are they conditional? Can we love our neighbors on the right, but not those pesky ones on the left? Is it ok to always tell the truth, except when it might get us in trouble? Should we not steal unless it's from the government (because they can afford it and owe it to us anyway)?

What about forgiveness? Do we believe in forgiveness as a foundational philosophy or only selectively. Specifically Michael Vick. Can we forgive him? Should he be forgiven?

I'm an animal lover and think dogs are almost human (often much nicer than humans), and I believe that animal cruelty is heinous. Animals are at our mercy and will do anything to please us, even follow us to their death for our pleasure or convenience. I can't think of much worse on earth than training dogs to become vicious fighters purely for the entertainment of men.

Yet I'm going to forgive Michael Vick. The reason is that one of the absolutes of my life is based on forgiveness. I've been forgiven (by friends, family, God and strangers) too many times to count. I didn't do the same awful thing Vick did but I've done things that were selfish, that caused pain and that lacked integrity. Still I've been forgiven.

Where is the dividing line between what we can forgive and what we can't? Who gets to make the call? I guess each of us does. But if we base this on a sliding scale instead of as a universal principle, there will never be order, justice, restoration or peace in the world.

I admit I might not have been able to forgive Vick as quickly if I didn't believe he was truly remorseful. I don't believe we need to be fools in order to be truly forgiving. If people do harmful things and don't show genuine regret—don't make changes, we'd be fools to forgive them. But when they demonstrate sorrow and seek redemption, I believe we should forgive them.

Most of us simply can't imagine the horrors of dog fighting or conceive of why anyone would find it entertaining, much less passionately promote it. I don't believe in using a bunch of psycho-babble about blaming our past for present mistakes, but after learning a bit about the pervasiveness of these events, it seems to be an insidious and perfectly acceptable practice in parts of American culture. Vick's childhood culture.

Michael Vick participated in some atrocious behavior and we would hope that on some level, every human being would just know it was wrong. But if all your role models and peers from earliest memory demonstrated that they condoned something, it would be challenging to go against the grain.

Vick lost millions of dollars, more than a year of his life and his reputation. He appears to realize this and appears to have genuine remorse. Tony Dungy, a former NFL coach who reaches out to men through prison ministry, believes in Vick's redemption. He's not a fool, so I'll trust his judgment and believe too.

Griping and protesting at football games where Vick plays will do little to rectify this monstrous cultural practice. But allowing Vick to educate and enlighten may be the biggest agent of change that could possibly have happened. For me, forgiveness is not a selective process. I believe Michael Vick is remorseful and I forgive him.

Can you forgive him? Was his punishment appropriate? Is forgiveness a selective process? Comment below.

Diane Markins

Contemplating Past May Improve Future

2009-08-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

Regret, remorse, misgiving; all denote a feeling of dissatisfaction regarding events that have passed. Every adult on earth has experienced this at one time or another and knows it's not a picnic. But what should we do with it when it comes?

Vacation (in most people's minds) is a time of exploring new places and being actively engaged. According to this definition, my annual trip to the beach would not meet the criteria. There is very little running around, and most of our exploration time was done when the kids were younger. We spend our days in a pattern of reading, riding bikes, watching the waves and an occasional bout of boogie boarding. Throw in our "best burger on the beach" quest and this sums up my ocean-front tenure.

Suffice it to say that there is an abundance of quiet time to reflect. And I don't know why I'm still surprised after all these years that I inevitably land in a place of nostalgic regret. Of course there are many more sweet, fun and crazy memories from my life than sad ones, but the missed opportunities, mistakes and bad choices seem to shout the loudest for my attention.

I lament that I wasn't a better mother when the kids were small, because now they're grown and I don't have the chance to read to them for an extra few minutes or sit by the bed while they fall asleep.

I have heartache that I wasn't a more attentive daughter, visiting more frequently—because now my mom's gone and I can't drop by to see her.

I rue actions earlier in my marriage that caused my husband pain. He forgave me and loves me more than ever, but I can't undo those choices.

Sounds like a great time, huh? But self-reproach and condemnation are powerful tools. If we never pick them up, we may miss the lessons to be learned from close scrutiny and introspection. However if we over-use them, we do more harm than good to our own spirit, self-inflicting abuse and undeserved measures of pain.

As with most other factions of life, balance is the key to self-evaluation. Here's the challenge I'm issuing:

For those who run through life at warp speed; build in an annual pilgrimage that includes a slower pace, some solitude and a time of honest contemplation.

For those who are naturally more introspective; take a sincere look at the life you've lived, own up to mistakes, but then bathe yourself in grace. Self-flagellation is borne of self-absorption. Forgive yourself and move on with a lighter load.

For both types of people; make sure you garner every morsel of insight and work toward improvement so next year when you repeat this exercise you'll have less to deal with

I know that now I can choose to stop whatever I'm doing to listen if my kids want to talk. I can spend more quality time with my dad because he's still here. And I can make kind, loving choices in my marriage every day.

OK, I'm better now! Guess I'll go boogie boarding and resume vacation fun.

Are there any places, times or activities that force you to evaluate your past? Do you have an intentional time (at least yearly) to do this? Tell us how it goes?

Hummingbirds VS. Bees: The Battle Rages On!

2009-08-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

Uninvited Guests at the Bird Feeder

There is a big window in front of my desk overlooking my grass-covered front yard with a big tree providing highly coveted summer-time shade. My dogs are usually somewhere under foot and my cat typically has his head resting near my keyboard.

I recently hung a hummingbird feeder in front of the window and was stunned by how the word got out (maybe Twitter?) because those little guys dart in and out all day long for sips of the nectar inside. They are so beautiful with a variety of bold colors as they pause for a bit of refreshment before they zoom off at warp speed.

Sometimes the hummingbirds are blocked from the goodies. The sparrows have also learned of this free feast and frequently perch on it as they hoard the fluid inside. They bully the hummingbirds into a speedy retreat. I guess it's ok, because sparrows are nice to watch too, and the hummingbirds find their way to the bar throughout the day for any remaining juice.

A couple of days ago I plopped down at my desk and opened the blinds to see which feathered critters were indulging and to my surprise (and horror) the hummingbird-turned-sparrow-feeder had morphed into a beehive. Wait just a minute! I hung this for the cute little birdies. I didn't invite these poisonous pests for lunch, but here they were...and not a bird in sight. I guess bees trump birds.

This reminded me of the fact that often God creates things for a specific purpose with specifically intended recipients to be blessed. But quite often others take this offering without permission and use it for their own desires.

Sex is the first thing that comes to mind (keep the stupid remarks to yourself). God created the beautiful act to foster intimacy between a man and woman who have made a life-long covenant. But many people steal this glorious activity and use it for sport.

Food and wine were meant to nourish our bodies, allowing us to be strengthened for all that God asks us to do, but lots of us eat and drink with little regard for the outcome of what we ingest. We over-indulge and don't give our bodies enough of the fuel it needs.

Dancing and singing were for celebrating in a way that exhorted God, not in ways that demean or exclude Him. But much of popular music and dancing is lascivious, racist, sexist and blasphemous.

The only way I knew to remedy the hummingbird feeder dilemma was to let it dry out completely and hope the usurpers would buzz off. They did but I'm guessing they'll be back when I refill it with the refreshment they seek. I may have to just leave it dry. Let's hope God doesn't ever decide to withhold his bounty because of how we misuse it. Your thoughts? Comment here.

Coming Undone: Pay Attention to "Whole" Health...Or Else!

2009-08-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

In this guest post we are reminded that our bodies, minds and spirits are intricately woven together and that (especially in trying time) we have a choice and an obligation to be good stewards of all three. Or else! Diane Markins

Less is More

by Dawn Rutledge

I have a dear friend who recently learned that she has a very serious and life-threatening health condition. She found this out when she had a stroke, immediately followed by three TIAs (Transient Ischemic Attacks or "warning strokes"). During the stroke, she was unable to speak and was temporarily paralyzed. There was no warning; she didn't even feel it coming on. For the past few weeks, she has undergone every test imaginable with the hopes of ruling out various possible conditions in an attempt to identify what is causing the strokes so that it can be treated and managed. The doctors still don't know, but feel they are getting closer to a diagnosis.

A very successful business woman, she has been striving all of her life. She has often struggled with the need to control her circumstances, and has desperately sought to understand the things that have happened to her that were beyond her control. She has suffered many hardships in her lifetime and has relied on her own strength to carry her through most of them. Until now. In a conversation the other day, she said to me that through this, she has finally discovered the the strength of God's love and the importance of relationship, and has completely surrendered everything to God. She no longer cares about all her job titles, the praise and accolades she has received for her outstanding performance over the years or how much money she makes. More importantly, she doesn't feel the need to have everything figured out anymore. All she wants to do is spend time with her husband, ride her horses and have a deep and meaningful relationship with God until God reveals what He has in store next.

In these uncertain and trying times, so many people are struggling with loss - loss of jobs, reliable income, homes, possessions, etc. Sadly, the stress resulting from these losses has affected the health of many, and in some cases has even resulted in death or suicide. But, as my friend recently discovered, God tells us less truly is more. There is a shift taking place all around us - a shift from striving, materialism and acquiring wealth to survival for some, or a search for love, meaning and purpose for others. And, in many cases it is happening to the most unlikely people - educated, wealthy, professionals who thought that their degrees, certificates, achievements, money, power, and possessions would protect them. The truth is that none of us are immune.

God knew that we would struggle with placing too much value on the things of this world and that it would interfere with our relationships. In 1 John 2:15-17 (The Message translation) it says, "Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world - wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important - has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out - but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity."

Whether we struggle with striving, achievement, wealth, materialism, accolades, status, putting on a facade, or "keeping up with the Joneses", we are all slaves to the world and fall victim to sin because these things become idols or false gods that interfere with our relationship with the one true God. Exodus 34:14 says, "Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." Our God is jealous because He loves us so incredibly much. He wants all of our heart and doesn't want anything to interfere or damage our relationship with Him. According to his Word, those who come to understand that the love they have in God and those around them means more than anything else will be the ones who will not only weather the storm, but will prosper in the end. As it is written in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

At our upcoming women's wellness retreat entitled "Becoming Healthy & Whole", we will spend time investing in our relationship with God as we take an honest inventory of our mind, heart, body, and spirit in order to discover health and whole person wellness. We will also learn how to strip away those things that cause interference so that we can form more meaningful and intimate relationships with God and others. For more information or to register, click on the "Upcoming Events" tab.

*Had a health scare or spiritual wake-up call? Comment here.

Adultery: Equal Opportunity Sin

2009-07-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought only the really bad sinners (just ahead of murderers and rapists) had extra-marital affairs? Or that adultery was only something that happened to pretty people (because no one would be interested in the ugly or even average ones)? Or that YOU could never be caught in this trap?

Think again. Nearly 25 percent of men and (surprise!) between 10 and 15 percent of women (in national surveys) admit to some kind of marital infidelity. I've been married 30 years and helped lead a marriage ministry so I've learned first-hand that no one is immune even though they believe it's wrong.

''People in the United States almost universally think adultery is wrong even while they are doing it,'' said John Gagnon, a professor of sociology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook and one ofthe authors of a study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.

Bill was becoming increasingly frustrated with his job and began taking it out on his wife. She began to expect his bad attitude when he got home, so her mood was not welcoming as he walked in the door. Linda, Bill's associate at work, knew exactly what he was going through...and so it began.

Lisa had been married many years and felt like every day was the same. She dressed the same, got the same response from her husband, did the same job and went about life on auto-pilot. One day she ran into an old friend from high school at the store. His face lit up and they had a warm, friendly chat. She learned that he was divorced and trying to recover. Her compassion seemed to help. It felt so good to be needed as she advised and encouraged him...

People don't often go on the prowl for an adulterous affair. They let life's challenges control their attitude and behavior. As they focus on surviving in their competitive world the focus is on the problems at hand— at the expense of relationships at home.

We simply believe the people we love will always be there...we don't have to expend a lot of energy on them. Better put out the fires all around us and come back with attention to our loved ones later.

Mistake! Our husbands and wives need our best, not the other way around. As much as we may consider our vows a binding promise, marriage isn't a license to take our partner for granted or to be complacent. If love isn't attended to, it withers and begins to die.

Sadly, when we feel neglected and isolated at home, there always seems to be someone in our path to notice, appreciate and need us. The connection is instant and explosive. Like heroin, it becomes addictive and people keep coming back for more.

I'm often amazed at the adulterous partners people choose. They may have a stunning wife at home and be having an affair with Shrek's uglier sister. Or be married to a young, handsome man and fall "in love" with a George Costanza type guy. The physical connection is secondary.

Three things I hope you'll consider: 1. No one is impervious to the snare of adultery and it always starts off innocently, so run away! 2. Love and kindness are more useful than judgment if your friend falls 3. Guard your marriage and let all the other demands of life take second place.

Any experiences or insights? Feel free to share comments anonymously! We can all learn from experience.

Diane Markins

*A great resource for couples struggling in this area or for people who'd like to coach other couples: Grace and Truth Relationship.

Fake is not Faith

2009-07-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

"'Dear Lord, I pray that all limitations, weaknesses, defects, pain, hurt, mistakes, embarrassment and imperfection in my personal and public life, relationships and cirumstances be elminated.' A little exaggerated? Maybe, but not much. The results of this petition? Ongoing disappointment that I believed I had to hide in order to appear godly." Joan Webb from The Relief of Imperfection

Do you know any "church people?" If you go to church you may look around and think all those people in the seats around you are holy, spiritual and wise. They never use bad language, over-indulge at a party get really mad at their spouse, yell at their kids, complain about their jobs or watch junk on TV. Sigh. They're so amazingly picture-perfect!

Take a closer look. Each and every person sitting in those seats is human and has as many temptations, weaknesses and personality flaws as you.

If you go to church with this illusion, take the blinders off. If you go to church and try to create this illusion about yourself, take the mask off. If you're looking for a church, find one where people are honest and hypocrisy is left outside the front door. The only way we can truly know each other is to be who we really are and let it show.

There is no room for "perfect people" in my church or my life. That's because they don't exist this side of Heaven. Perfection on earth is a lie.

Following is an excerpt from a short article in Chrio Communities Newsletter about an awakening from perfection:

...I've gone almost my whole life feeling like a failure of a Christian. I always understood my spiritual success to be measured by an unspoken set of rules, and if I did ABCD, I'd be considered a good Christian.

I knew everything about how to appear Godly- how to act, how to worship, pray, respond with "God" answers, etc. I wanted to fit in with the Christian community, but somehow never felt good enough. Eventually this false me took over completely and I lived in it fully, deceiving even myself at times.

In this existence, I always experienced a significant amount of spiritual envy. I looked at the people around me, wondering what the secret was, how they could be experiencing God so intimately. And I lived with fear. Fear that people might see right through me.

And now...I'm done. The façade of "everything being great, I've got it together, I'm a really spiritual person," etc. is exhausting. For the first time in my life, I believe I'm experiencing freedom in Christ; freedom from guilt and freedom in who I am. ...My time with God might be a little unconventional, I might go through phases where I feel like an inconsistent mess, and I WILL make mistakes- but it's okay. I'm okay. *Click here to read this entire piece from Holly's blog (also included in Chrio Community Church Newsletter).

At church (and every place) we need to be real and seek authenticity in others. If people are putting you on a pedestal, you only have one way to go: down. If you are admiring or idolizing some "spiritual giant" you will surely be disappointed.

As we open our lives up and let God's light shine on it for others to see, they will be more inclined to reciprocate. Mistakes and failings make us "experts" in helping others avoid the same pitfalls. That is the measure of real faith and the beginning of spiritual freedom. Comment on your experience with fakers and posers.

Diane Markins

Girl Gone Mild

2009-07-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Man is the only Animal that blushes. Or needs to." Mark Twain

I love the water, although I'm not a great swimmer. Boating, water skiing and just sitting on the patio of the rental condo for our annual stay at San Diego's Mission Beach...being near the water refreshes me.

Often though, there is a hindrance to my view. It is in the form of intoxicated young women who feel compelled to show their naked breasts to everyone in the vicinity. This Girls Gone Wild experience began when the first film (of the same name) was released in 1998, spawning a franchise. Pornographer/promoter Joseph R. Francis is responsible for these plot-less films. (I confess to never having watched one, but did a little Google research.)

Film crews show up at spring break locales, populated summer beaches and other places where the common elements are booze and girls...bikinis are optional because women can take a T-Shirt or skirt off pretty easily too. Inebriated girls are incentivized to disrobe, dance provocatively and engage in other lascivious displays. Their prize? A GGW hat or shirt. These are supposedly not paid "actors" just a bunch of girls havin' a little fun.

A film crew and snappy prizes are no longer required. Some hard-core drinks and a group of eager men can encourage women to shed their clothes anywhere, and voila: it's show time! I don't consider myself easily shocked but I'm a bit dumbfounded by this whole phenomenon. I can't help but believe that the participants have serious regrets when they wake up the next day and remember what they did. "My grandma may see that" or "Someday I'll have to explain that to my daughter" have to be thoughts that surface.

Recently I did a little informal survey asking if this GGW activity was OK. The results were split. Many people (mostly men) thought it was fine and that people who object are "prudes and sexist, disallowing freedom of expression and the empowerment of women."

Have to admit I was in the other camp; the ones who feel that it is a huge social statement that many young women so desperately crave attention, validation and admiration that they will go to such extremes to get it.

Sex is everywhere and in everything. Young children are exposed early to the notion that premarital sex is the norm and anything else (like abstinence) makes you a freak. If they watch TV, go to movies or have friends in public school they have a sense of this philosophy. Going to the next step of putting it into action is a piece of cake. Girls can easily lose their way and begin to feel that no one will be interested in them if they don't have something sexual to offer.

From an aesthetic, selfish point I don't enjoy being ambushed with an impromptu strip show from the chair on my patio or deck of my boat. If I wanted to see it, I'd find it and buy a ticket.

As a woman and a mom, it breaks my heart to see these premature "women" demeaning themselves, failing to recognize the damage they're doing to themselves and our culture. ...Not to mention little girls of the future. Your thoughts?

Diane Markins

To Believe or Not to Believe; Doubting God

2009-07-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
--Albert Einstein

When doing strenuous exercise it is wise to keep your head above your heart so that your brain is getting plenty of oxygen-rich blood flow. I find that principle applies to many other areas of life as well. If we make major decisions primarily guided by our hearts instead of our minds, we may act unwisely.

One exception to this rule is when we talk about faith. The moment I begin to contemplate some of the stories, promises and principles in the Bible from a strictly cerebral perspective doubt begins to creep in. Think about it: water turning into wine, multitudes being fed by a few loaves of bread and a couple of lousy fish, a sea parting so that people can cross without learning the backstroke, little guys killing giants, dead people coming back to life...come on! Sounds like something from a Tolkein novel.

Fortunately God knows of my over-thinking, doubting nature (just as He did of Thomas) and loves me in spite of it. When my mind begins to wander down the path of doubt all it usually takes is to steer my mind toward the opposite. Can I believe Jesus was a liar? Could God not be real or faithful? Is there no plan for my life...everyone's life? When I die is that the end?

Well, when you put it that way the answer is a resounding NO! I simply do not believe we are in the world alone to fend for ourselves and turn into dust at the end. I've experienced too many spectacular, undeniable encounters with my God to stop believing. But it has to be one or the other; I either believe or I don't and the answer becomes clear (once again) that I DO.

Why is my faith so week? I'd like to think it's because my mind's so strong, but that's obviously not it. I simply fall into the "What have you done for me lately" camp. I need to be reminded frequently that God is always with me but that I often forget to do my part; seek His face. I go on about my busy life, and then suddenly need comfort, peace, protection or rest and wonder why I'm not getting it.

Faith needs to be exercised and nurtured in order to gain strength. The sustenance for faith comes in the good times and the busy times, not just in the needy and desperate times.

If you start to doubt God's love, promises, faithfulness, or even His very existence, try imagining how it would feel to stand firmly claiming those things are false. Can't do it, can you? So get off the doubting road and get back to the path of believing, then stay put. Time to change up and keep your heart (and spirit) above your head. You may not always be able to see what He's done for you lately, but what He did once and for all is the undeniable foundation to build lasting faith on.

Are you a Doubting Thomas or a Faithful Francis? When you have doubts, how do you regain your faith equilibrium? Share comments here.
Diane Markins

Patriotism and Compassion CAN Co-exist

2009-06-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest issues (aside from paper or plastic) that divides people in the U.S. is illegal immigration. No one disputes that our borders are porous and that thousands of Mexicans cross the border each month without permission. The issue is whether this flood of humanity is hurtful or helpful to our country.

It's only fair that I confess my position and admit that I'm a card-carrying member of the Minutemen Civil Defense Corps. I've sat in the dark all through the night watching the desert for the invasion of our land. My husband, father, father-in-law, brother-in-law and more family members are by my side, although I'm the only woman in this lineage crazy enough to join them.

It is eerily quiet until we hear voices or the bushes rustling. Then, armed with our radios we report what we've seen and give the location so the Border Patrol can be notified. None of my group carries a weapon or intends any harm. We simply believe that the Border Patrol can't be everywhere so we want to help. We also want to create a bit of awareness about the multitudes who are successfully entering the U.S. unnoticed.

We've seen drug dealers conduct meetings and flee on motorcycles, and know that more and more coyotes are brazenly carrying guns as they transport their human cargo across the border. We see evidence of the little bands of travelers as they leave their garbage where they've spent the night. It is more than a little risky but so are most important causes.

While I'm sure there are some in this organization who are racist extremists, most simply love our country and want to protect it. They're tired of seeing the economy drained as illegal aliens abuse the health care system, overfill classrooms and flee from traffic accidents because they are uninsured. They desire to protect our country and the border state of Arizona from the lawless drug runners who consider this their target market.

I've been called racist and radical, which is ironic considering that my family and I also do missions service in Mexico. We donate money, clothes and supplies and we've served at retreats and vacation Bible school in Mexico. We feel the desperation of need and have love and compassion for the citizens of that country.

We believe the culprit is a corrupt Mexican government. I've interviewed immigrants, both legal and illegal, as well as pastors and social workers and am convinced that most Mexican people would prefer to remain in their own country if they could make enough money to feed their families. Lots come here with the intent to work for a while to earn a nest-egg then return home. They risk a great deal as they attempt to cross the border alone or pay a coyote to bring them here. Many have to repeat this effort several times before they arrive successfully.

Bottom line for this commentary is that I believe that patriotism and compassion are not mutually exclusive. As patriots, we need to protect our borders and not dangle a carrot of freebies to draw people across illegally. I also believe that there is no room for hatred toward those who are here. They are desperate and fearful so be generous to rescue missions. We also need to step up our giving and service to Mexico; they're our neighbors, victimized and oppressed by a cast system where corruption begins at the lowest levels.

As we celebrate Independence Day this week in our multi-cultural country, we need to remember that we are united in freedom (regardless of race) by our bond as Americans and that's where our loyalties should rest. We also need to expand on the legacy of our land as the most compassionate of all nations.
Diane Markins
Express your thoughts on this site but also go to this Tribune News site to comment there as well.

Not (Quite) a Hero

2009-06-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Hero" is a word that's over-used. Anyone who helps someone else seems to own that title these days. I disagree with such a broad use of the word. The dictionary definition of hero is, "A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially at the risk of personal safety." I think most people would agree that those serving in the military, law enforcement or fire fighters unquestionably fall into this category. The lady who tutors a kid free of charge or the teenager who baby sits without pay for a single mom are generous but not heroes.

While there are a good number of heroes out there, not all of us are called to or capable of risking life and limb to save another. What every one of us is called to and capable of doing is being a responsible citizen. These seem to be in short supply. Personal responsibility is a disappearing trait as more and more people expect their living expenses, education and health care bills to be covered by the government. Even in school, children are allowed to make extensive excuses as to their lack of assignment completions. If a crime is witnessed, people often don't want to "get involved."

Given this pervasive attitude of apathy and entitlement I was moved to write about a young man who simply acted as a good citizen. He didn't risk bodily injury or directly perform a life-saving act, so I'll not call him a hero.

He is my 24-year-old neighbor, Daniel. On June 5^th while in Alaska I got a phone call from him. "Is Brad (my husband) around?" he asked. I told him where we both were and he explained that he'd noticed a suspicious stranger lingering around our yard and talking on a cell phone. The man was paying close attention to my husband's truck. I confirmed that he wasn't anyone we knew and Daniel walked over to investigate then called police and tracked the man and his partner casing another truck in the neighborhood. Crime prevented!

Later that same day Daniel, who is a radio runner for tech services at the Phoenix Fire Department, heard an Amber Alert on his radio. He began to investigate and based on a bit of deductive reasoning located the suspected kidnapper and called police. She was later apprehended, baby unharmed.

I still won't call him a hero. He went out of his way, inconvenienced himself and sacrificed some time but he didn't risk his life. Still, most people wouldn't have gone to the trouble to do as much as he did.

Daniel is hoping to become a firefighter. Extinguishing a blaze, rescuing a victim or performing CPR are all difficult tasks, but they can be taught. Integrity, responsibility and character are core values. Good citizenship, a strong sense of responsibility; these are stepping stones to "hero"...you can't earn that title without possessing the first two along the way.

I hope the fire departments are paying attention and recruit Daniel. I'm sure they can teach him every skill he needs to know. He's already got the core values to be the kind of hero they're looking for.

Most of us could use a little polish on our efforts toward citizenship. Have you gone out of your way lately to prevent a crime, picked up an obstacle in the road or called for assistance for a stranded motorist as you passed by? Share and tell why or why not and any missed opportunities.

*Happy Father's Day! Don't forget to tell your dad how much he means to you. Is/was your dad a hero in your mind?

**See this piece in newspaper column.

Africa: Joy in the Midst of Poverty

2009-06-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Can More Stuff be A Curse, Not a Blessing?

Sitting (as an honored guest) on a stump in the shade of a giant acacia tree was the most humbling and one of the most moving experiences of my life. We were in Zimbabwe attending "church" at an Ndebele tribal village. The twenty-five or so people in attendance wore their finest modern clothes and lounged on the dirt, unconcerned that there was no roof, floor, podium, padded pews or worship band. They told us of their great appreciation for the man who allowed them to hold services under the leaves of his tree—which stood next to his one-room thatched home. (The "facilities", standing twenty yards away consisted of rusted tin walls about five feet high, no roof and two holes in the ground!)

Shy smiles and fleeting eye contact was the most many of them could manage, so intimidated were they to meet Americans. Their tribal pastor prayed, officially welcomed our small group and then delivered a rousing sermon. As the worship began, these people (mostly women) were soon on their feet—at least those who were physically able. Shoes are a scarce commodity, making foot ailments and deformity common.

Transformation took place before our eyes as they smiled with their entire faces, sang and danced for the Lord. "Rock out" has never been better demonstrated and "passion" doesn't begin to describe the depth of emotion and energy they invested in their praise and celebration of God. Soon our little band of traditional, white church-goers was dancing, singing and laughing along with our African brothers and sisters. Even if we didn't understand the words, the message was clear.

The sentiments they conveyed to God were not "gimme" prayers (gimme health, wealth and happiness), in spite of the great need and the obvious lack of the first two. What these sweet people clearly expressed was their love of Jesus and their deep gratitude for what He provided them; grace. This was a living picture of Psalm 22:3, "God inhabits the praises of His people."

I may have more stuff and fewer life-or-death burdens but they have an abundance that I lack. Pure unadulterated faith, hope and love—for one another, the Lord and life itself. No load is too heavy to weigh down their joy. No obstacle is too big to diminish their communion. The focus was entirely upwardly-focused, not on the circumstances surrounding them.

The lesson I learned that day has remained embedded in my soul, but while it is first nature to these tribal folks to cast all their cares away and be delightfully free in their time of worship, I still have to work at it.

If you attend church, do you (or have you ever) worshipped God with such complete abandon? Do life's difficulties sometimes suppress your ability to experience joy? Can creature comforts be a curse as well as a blessing? What are you willing to do to gain the free spirit our Ndebele friends showed us? Comment below.

Diane Markins

*To contribute to Zimbabweans in severe need please visit this link

** To see this as a devotion visit CBN.com.

Not-So-Green Bug Mentality: Oh So Politically Incorrect!

2009-06-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Chemicals, Shoes, or Other Methods are Fine... Bugs Don't Rule in My World!

When you think of "resort hotel" images of immense azure pools, elegant décor, massage therapists and fine dining come to mind, right? The last thing your brain associates is creepy crawly critters. But that is exactly what I've experienced on more than one occasion.

Several years ago I stayed at a well-known resort in Scottsdale with a friend for a girl's weekend. We were escorted to the casita by a nice young guy, enjoyed a poolside beverage and ate a lovely dinner. As we were preparing for bed my friend rearranged her pillows before climbing into her cozy 600 thread-count sheets and let out a shriek. "Is that a scorpion?" she demanded. Doubtful, considering our surroundings, I began to hunt the elusive beast down. We located him and clamped a water glass over him to store as evidence.

After our heart rates came back to a normal range from this impromptu safari, we called to express our dismay to the manager...

A couple weeks ago my husband and I had a little mini-vacation by the Colorado River at a "resort casino" along with our daughter and her friend. The property is lovely with a giant wall of glass four stories high over-looking the river. This is a great location for us because of its proximity to home and because the marina is steps away from the guest rooms. We keep our boat in a slip, getting on the water in minutes for each outing. But as we headed to our room the sidewalk was like a tiny interstate during rush hour...heavily trafficked with enormous sewer roaches. I hop-scotched my way forward as my husband set his glass of juice on a ledge to pull out his key card. By the time he retrieved the drink a quarter-pounder was taking a bath in it. These monsters were closer to animals than bugs. Ugh!

Upon our arrival home I emailed the manager about this experience.

In both instances the responses were the same; "This is the desert/water and there are scorpions/roaches living here. I'm sorry but we can't really do much about it. We see them all the time."

I'm going to reveal a little sliver of my true not-so-green character now. I don't like bugs and would be much happier if our paths never crossed again. It doesn't bother me to think of them being exterminated. Kill them or make them go where I'm not! Particularly when I shell out a large amount of money for the privilege of being pampered and pest-free. (I may be writing a post in the future about how spoiled most of us are, especially me! But that's another topic.)

The point? Just because an area is previously occupied or inhabited it doesn't mean the new-comers don't have jurisdiction. I believe fully that God has given humans "dominion" over all other creatures. Yes, I believe we need to be good stewards of the earth and NEVER abuse animals but there are times and places when we can't share the same space. When this happens, the creepy crawlers have to go. As urban developers do their due diligence, every activist in the area can lodge protests and prove whether a spotted green-bellied cockroach or spiny pink milkweed will be endangered. If not, get rid of them and let the people enjoy a pest-free vacation.

Agree? Completely disagree? Tell me why below.

Diane Markins

Let God Speak!

2009-05-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

He Knows Exactly What You Need to Hear

Does your prayer time seem a little lack-luster on occasion? I know mine does. God wants to hear from us. He expects us to show up and delights in the minutes we give solely to him. But once in a while it starts to feel a bit contrived and obligatory...going through the motions.

When this happens to me I change things up. There are probably a million and ten books on prayer so I'm not going to offer any brilliant new insights. When you can learn from people of great and renowned faith like Charles Stanley, Chuck Swindoll and Billy Graham, what could little ol' me have to add?

However, I will let you in on a little thing I have incorporated in some of my prayer time.

I let God speak to me, through me. Yeah, I know... you're thinking, "What did she just say?"

When I've done the usual; praising, examining my life, sharing it all with the Lord and still feel like I'm in the room alone I try letting Him talk to me. Based on many years of reading the Bible and getting to know God's ways, I speak out loud to me as though Jesus were uttering the words. If we follow what it says in Philippians 2:5, this becomes second nature. "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

It may sound a little wacky but there have been times God has revealed a deep truth, brought renewed joy, increased my faith and healed my wounded spirit through my own voice using His mind. 1^st Corinthians 2:16 says, "For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ." I simply give voice to what I believe God is telling me through His word.

But what if you don't have the time or place to be alone and share a verbal dialog with God? Write a letter from the Lord to you. It seems that just the right measure of encouragement, wisdom, conviction and peace will begin to appear on the paper as you allow your Father to speak intimately to you.

See a sample of this in a small excerpt from Ally Johnson's post at www.ResurrectedGirl.blogspot.com :

My precious child,
I am here. You are not alone. I have held you in my hands for all of the days of your life. I will move mightily and you will be amazed. Do not fear, do not doubt, trust in me and know that I am God. Be patient, I am working things you will never understand, and I am.
Dear one, turn your heart to me, and remember that I am not against you. I find you in my favor and because of where you are I will be able to move mountains. Do not question me, but allow me to work in my way in my timing.

Your words may not be as beautiful or poetic as Ally's but they will reflect your personality and God's heart; the message a very private one, for your eyes only.

If you're new to this journey of Christian faith and maybe don't know too much about God's character or what He might say to you, dig in and begin finding out. Maybe a book of Bible promises will help jump-start the process.

While the Lord cherishes hearing our praises and requests, He also longs to speak to us, saying exactly what we need to hear. Has God spoken to you lately? Comment below.

*This post also ran on Christian Broadcasting Network .

Lessons from our First 30 Years

2009-05-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

We started dating when we were 16 years old. We thought we were grownups and knew everything. We certainly knew that we wanted to be together. He was tall, athletic, cute and popular. I had never dated anyone less than two year older (I was just WAY too cool and mature for that). Exclusive dating was new to me, believing it was more fun to keep my options open...but after two weeks with this boy, I didn't need other options. That was in November of 1972. (I feel like a dinosaur even admitting it.) We went to college, got married and now, on our 30^th anniversary (May 26th) I'd like to share some lessons I've learned. These are the top six:

Husbands need to hear and speak fewer words than wives. He gets tired of listening to the whole story, so get to the point fast and don't fear silence. When he speaks, try to learn his shorthand so you don't have to make him elaborate or clarify. Save that for the really important discussions. Lengthy, irrelevant conversations can be taxing for some men.

Wives need to be less critical of themselves and stop complaining. Why point out your inflated butt or deflated chest? Learn to love yourself or shut up about it. (Take care of yourself... stewardship of your fitness/appearance is important!) He doesn't know what to say when you utter these gripes and likes the way you look naked regardless of your complaints.

Remember to let him know you appreciate him. (Even if you're going through a time when you don't!) Find something to thank and praise him for; working hard at his job, a good "dad moment," how a shirt looks on him...anything. Let him know you're supportive of his efforts and proud of him.

Don't neglect physical intimacy. Sometimes we get tired, bored or complacent about this. I've known women whose low self-esteem causes them to avoid making love and having fun with this significant component of marriage. What a loss!

Husbands and wives need to find, nurture and pursue their individual passions and God-given purposes. If we wrap ourselves entirely in our marriage and family there will come a time when things become quiet and we'll be lost. Feed the dreams you have and you'll be more fulfilled, making you a much better partner.

If we truly learn to put God at the center of our marriage things come together more fluidly. If both partners put the other first, everyone wins. Forgiveness will come more naturally and may be necessary less often.

I haven't been the best wife in the world. In fact, I've made some grave mistakes and have regrets for my failings. I know my husband has the same humble attitude. Mostly I know that over time, raising two kids together and running a business side-by-side we've weathered the storms and survived the relationship challenges that everyone faces. We're best friends, lovers, and partners for life. That's what I've learned from my 30 years of marriage.

Diane Markins

Whether you've been married a year or 50, or even if you're single and a good observer; you've surely got some relationship wisdom to share below.

*We are taking an Alaskan cruise next week to celebrate. I'll post some pictures on the blog when we return.

Vacation Stress: An Oxymoron? Not Always!

2009-05-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

12 Tips to De-Stress Your Vacation

Whether you're young and single, married with children or empty-nesters with loads of money there are a few basic things you can do to make your vacation much more fun and stress-free.

12 Strategize

Ponder your destination in advance. What are your preferences? (Sunny beaches, cool pine forests, active night life) Once you've decided where to go, check out what there is to do there so you don't miss anything or waste your precious vacation time researching. Get individual input from others joining you so everyone feels satisfied, including the kids. Determine how you'll arrive at your destination and the best lodging options to meet your needs. Vacation Rentals By Owner.com is a great site to investigate.

*For free travel guides check this out: click here .

11 Fully Medicated

Pack a little kit with any meds you might need (Children's Tylenol, Ibuprophen for hangover, Band-Aids for blisters from new shoes, antacid tablets for the rich food). Your doctor may even be willing to give you a prescription for an antibiotic if you are prone to sinus or ear infections—"just in case" --it stinks to spend half a day at the beach clinic. Been there!

10 Vehicle Maintenance

Have the mechanic do a once-over on you car. Check hoses, tires, belts and fluids. A break-down means a stalled vacation. Been there too!

9 Coupons, Bargain Days

Major attractions and museums sometimes offer discount days, local restaurants may offer early-bird specials and always look online prior to your trip for coupons. Google: "coupons" plus your destination city.

8 Local Cuisine

Find out where the locals eat and go there. Chains are fine because you know what you're getting but it's fun to venture out. Locals won't keep a place open if it isn't good. Avoid tourist trap eateries. Check out the Food Network for regional dining options. Burgers at Hodads , Ocean Beach...mmm!

7 Think: Action!

Some sitting around and enjoying the scenery is fine, bus tours are great for an over-view but unless you have a disability get out and move! Most of us pack on the pounds while traveling. To prevent this and enhance your trip try hiking the local trails; renting a bike to cruise the boardwalk; paddle boats, kayaks and canoes for a water experience.

6 Give Me A Break!

I believe that parents and children need a break from each other. If possible, bring along a teenager or grandma to help with those breaks or contact a local service with great credentials to hire childcare for a romantic night out. Parents (single or married) need a little adult time, so include this in your plan.

5 Efficient Packing

Know the climate and suitable attire. Wear things more than once, find a laundry service and layer up. Avoid checking luggage on planes to prevent losing bags and delays at the terminal.

4 Pace Yourself

While it's tempting to try to see and do everything, if you pack too much in you'll be exhausted, have less in your bank account and won't likely remember all of it. Prioritize your activities and plan to come again if you don't see everything. Get a little rest. Each activity will be more fun if you're refreshed.

3 The More The Merrier

Unless you're on a honeymoon it can add a fun dimension to travel with friends. Another couple allows for women to have a little girl time, maybe getting a pedicure while the guys catch a game on TV at the local pub. Another family provides children with a new friend instead of just a sibling. Conversations are more lively and fresh when additional folks are involved.

2 Be Flexible

Travel delays, bad weather, illness, sold-out events and more happen in life and on vacation. Expect it and roll with it. Don't let the little things ruin your trip. Your attitude is contagious. If you can bounce back from unexpected challenges or disappointments, so will the rest of your group.

Numer Ono: PRAY
Ask for wisdom as you plan, safety as you travel, provision to stretch you dollars, patience in big measure and that you'll be blessed with a lasting precious memory...don't forget to say thanks that you're even able to take a vacation, because not everyone can.

Any Chevy Chase "Vacation" Experiences to share? More suggestions?

Diane Markins

Hotter Than...Well, You Know! Keep it to Yourself.

2009-05-10T06:00:00.001-07:00

Yesterday it was Spring and today it's Summer-with-a-vengeance. That's how it happens in Phoenix. I was raised right here in this blazing city but still struggle with the sweltering heat every year. Our vehicles sizzle as we enter them, the sun fries our skin if we aren't fully covered in SPF 50 and clothing options are limited. Comfort wins over style as we don shorts and sleeveless tops.

Last year I realized I had spent my entire life of summers complaining about the heat. We all do it. Casual conversations with store clerks, waitresses and friends are riddled with short comments about how hot it is. I decided to make a promise to myself that I wasn't going to utter any more negative comments about the rising mercury. It took discipline and intention, but I had a lot of success. When I'd slip and the H word would bounce out of my mouth I'd quickly change the subject.

Guess what happened? I actually didn't notice the debilitating heat quite so much. My mind was learning a new way of thinking; I was retraining my thoughts to move away from the heat so that my conversation didn't drift there.

This can be applied to any issue we tend to be bothered by and give undue negative attention to.

Do you think people don't know it's hot? You're not enlightening them. Do you think they are encouraged that you hate it too? It probably doesn't ease the discomfort.

But if you smile and talk about pleasant things you might divert their attention to a more cheerful topic and get a smile in return. Our words wield great power and they are typically generated by our attitudes and thoughts. If we purposely take our thoughts captive ("Put on the mind of Christ") and don't spew out the junk that sometimes surfaces, we can be a vessel of kindness and positive influence. Negative attitudes and complaints are contagious but encouragement is even more so.

Philippians 4:8 tell us, "Whatever is true, noble, right pure, lovely and admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." ...and we usually speak about what we're thinking, so this way of thinking will edify others.

If not the heat, what thought do you sometimes dredge up and share with others? Are you willing to do the work and replace that with a new way of thinking and interacting? The investment will be worth it.

Diane Markins

Finding a New Dream; A Soldier's Story of Loss and Discovery

2009-05-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

Gabriel Garcia had a dream. A strong, tough young man, he planned to pursue professional Cage Fighting after his discharge. On Jan. 8, 2009 this Army Staff Sgt. was leading his platoon on a patrol of the market area near his base in southern Afghanistan, about 200 yards outside the base in a "safe area."

"A shopkeeper had loaded his store with explosives and as we walked by, he detonated it. My two friends who were in front of me were both killed," said Gabriel, who lost his right arm above the elbow. He also lost vision in his right eye, had a fractured right hip and right knee and had shrapnel all over his body.

This 26-year-old has endured nearly 20 surgeries and there are more in his future. He has spent months at the Walter Reed Hospital recovering from these ongoing operations and beginning the long journey toward rehabilitating his broken body, with another year and a half of hard work likely ahead of him.

Many people would be angry or severely depressed after such pain and loss—understandably so. But Gabriel has a unique perspective, "For a guy that was practically dead three months ago, I've got a lot of options," he commented in a recent story in the Yuma Sun.

Gabe's brother Miguel has been one of the many people praying for him since before the assault took place. As with the rest of the family, Miguel has been concerned, fearful and sad for what's happened. But Miguel says that his younger brother's upbeat attitude, faith and desire to help others has been his biggest comfort and inspiration.

With the knowledge that his dream (of Cage Fighting) will never be realized Gabriel has formed a new dream. He wants to be a great dad to his little boy, a wonderful husband to Christina and encourage others with his story.

He is now considering continuing a career in the Army where he may travel and inspire other wounded soldiers with the hope and recovery he's experienced.

Many of us have dreams that die; marriages that end, the loss of loved ones, financial challenges, career letdowns, health struggles and recreational goals not realized. It's not unnatural to grieve the loss of a dream, but some people find it nearly impossible to continue on without that one dream. They can't let go, much less begin to formulate the spark of a new dream.

Reading Gabriel Garcia's story of sacrifice, loss, strong will and resilience; fueled with the love and prayers of family and friends offers a new perspective. If this young man can overcome the loss of his limb and vision and allow his dream to be transformed by new circumstances, maybe others will too.

What dreams have you lost? Were you able to recover and find a new one like Gabriel? Comment below.

Diane Markins

*To visit Gabriel's blog and read more of his story, send get well wishes or express thanks for his tremendous sacrifice go to Gabriel'sRecovery@blogspot.com.

Gift-Wrapped Guidance

2009-04-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

As we enter the season of graduations and weddings, gift-giving hits hard. Our budgets are tight and we want to get the biggest bang for our buck. While a new desk set might be nice, how may does any graduate need? Blenders and salt shakers are great but will they really enhance the lives of the happy couple.

Consider giving the gift of wisdom. As high school or college graduates embark on a new journey, or as individuals start to make a new life as a couple, they will undoubtedly encounter challenges. Wouldn't it be great if you could wrap up a gift that would smooth those out and make the transition a little easier?

Transition coaching does this. Unlike counseling, where "issues" from our past are dealt with and resolved, coaching helps healthy people move forward wisely. If you're unfamiliar with coaching it can seem a little wacky, trendy or useless. But once you learn about the process it's easy to recognize the value.

Paying for a session or two with a reputable coach will do a couple of things. First, it will introduce your loved one to the coaching experience and secondly it allows them to have a wise "guide" in place before a trial begins. They will have already begun a friendship with the coach and will likely feel comfortable going to him or her for help when they feel lost, frustrated or stuck in this new chapter of life.

"When I went away to college I felt alone and scared," said Linda. "I had a really difficult first semester and finally quit and moved back home to attend community college. To help prevent this with my daughter, I gave her a few sessions with a transitional coach. What a different experience she's had!"

When John and Cindy opened the envelope from her parents on their wedding day they felt a bit awkward as they read the card: "Our wedding gift to you is a year of life coaching sessions. We want to invest in your marriage and help make the transition easier." Just to avoid hurting their feelings, they signed on with a coach and had a session to get acquainted. A few months passed and a serious conflict arose about money. They decided to give their coach a try. She helped them consider options, determine the best actions and get past the problem without causing any damage to their relationship.

The gift of coaching is a unique and generous one that can be given at a baby shower to equip the new mom, at a retirement party to help grandpa learn to feel productive and make new friends or for someone who hates their job and is considering a career change.Think it over, you can write a check that will be spent and forgotten or you can invest in a potentially life-altering gift.

Have you worked with a coach or known someone who has? Stories to share of tough transitions?

Diane Markins

Recommended Coaches:
Jerome Daley
Jeff Williams
Ally Johnson
Joan Webb

*To learn more about coaching visit these sites: Coach Federation, Christian Coaching Center, and Christian Coaching Magazine will be up soon.

Columbine Shootings, 10 Years Later: Are We Safer?

2009-04-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

April 20th will mark the ten-year anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre. Our nation learned a history-altering lesson at great expense that day, as the most deadly American high school shooting unfolded.

This tragedy took the lives of 12 students and a teacher. Twenty-three more were wounded before Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the shooters, killed themselves. What was the lesson? Be prepared.

Law enforcement agencies across the United States and other countries studiously dissected the assault as well as events leading up to that day. From those studies Special Weapons And Tactics (SWAT) teams have implemented new strategies to quickly stabilize attempted mass shootings or hostage situations in public settings, dramatically minimizing the carnage.

I recently had the privilege of participating in one such training exercise. On March 20^th my daughter, Kimberly and I were invited to assist the Maricopa County Sheriff's Department by being "victims" in a hostage rescue operation at a vacant high school.

We joined about 25 other volunteers and 63 uniformed officers from a variety of law enforcement agencies who were outfitted with bullet-proof vests and fake-but realistic training weapons.

They referred to us as the "actors" as it was our job to act like victims in a school hostage take-over. We were split into two groups and escorted to different locations on campus. Those involved in the training were unaware of our location. Eleven instructors observed from a distance as those participating located and "rescued" us.

I don't want to give away the methods I observed that day but suffice it to say that there were loud explosions and precise, rapid actions all around us. The idea was to spike the adrenaline of these responders as we forced them to contain this threat in the midst of live human beings who were hysterical and terrified. I could barely speak for two days because of all the screaming.

Sergeant Buddy Acritelli, Tactical Operation Unit Supervisor, SWAT Division, Maricopa County Sheriff's Office was in charge of the training event. "My thoughts [after the Columbine incident] were that the way we have to protect our children has forever changed," he said. Although there have been other "active shooter" type cases within the United States, Columbine was the largest and most violent incident of school place violence.

"We know that we simply can't wait when these acts of random violence occur," Acritelli explained. "Officers are trained for quick response and go immediately to the threat."

While response time, tactics and training techniques have improved since 1999 for police agencies, threats continue to occur, and not just in schools. This was most recently demonstrated in the mass attack at the American Civic Association in Binghamton, NY on April 3^rd. Sadly, violence and mayhem will always be with us.

But as we remember the shock and grief of the Columbine massacre ten years ago, we can do so with a measure of gratitude that valuable lessons have been learned. We can also feel a little more peaceful knowing that those in charge of protecting our children are sharp, prepared and more vigilant than before April 20, 1999.

If you have memories to share of that day or thoughts about our safety as we go out to eat, visit loved ones in the hospital or send our kids off on the big yellow bus, comment below.
Diane Markins

(For an extended version of this story please see Tribune News for a three-part series)

Big Love or Just Big Talk?

2009-04-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." Proverbs 11:25

I just finished reading Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski, a true story of two college guys who want to experience life as homeless people. They spend months on the streets of cities like Denver, Washington D.C., Portland, San Francisco, San Diego and my hometown, Phoenix.

What they learn is that "street people" are at best invisible and at worst reviled. They attended church every Sunday and were not very warmly received in most because of how they looked and smelled. They were even thrown off the property of one church lawn in my own city.

Of Phoenix the author says, "We experienced big programs, big churches, and big talk, without much love in action, at least for two unappealing transients like us."

I don't think any of us sees ourselves as unloving or unwelcoming but I'm not sure how excited any of us would be if two dirty, foul-smelling men wanted to occupy the seat next to ours in church or at a restaurant. I'll admit I've been the first one to move away.

We may judge them as being lazy or drug addicts and almost always try to escape before they ask us for something. Yankoski points out that the people he met on his "experiment" didn't suddenly become homeless panhandlers. It happened slowly over time and was typically precipitated by events that damaged their lives horrifically.

The point I'm heading toward is that, on Easter as we celebrate Christ's resurrection, we need to also remember the sacrifices He made leading up to that glorious day. I'm not just talking about the Big One (His own terrible, painful death), but the time Jesus spent with the smelly, unappealing people He encountered every day. He talked with them, ate with them, touched them and genuinely cared for them.

Do we really want the reputation of Big programs but Little compassion? Whether it is someone who is malodorous or just has a stinky disposition, we need to walk toward them, take a moment to listen, encourage them and see how we can help meet an immediate need. A granola bar, a smile, a kind word or a listening ear may feel like the love of God to someone who isn't used to being bestowed those gifts.

Will people we meet know we are Christians by our love? Do you need to make a few changes so your identity in Christ is more apparent? Comments?

Diane Markins

Is Gay OK?

2009-04-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

"I take as my guide the hope of a saint: in crucial things, unity; in important things, diversity; in all things, generosity."
President George Bush Sr.

Are some sins worse than others? Should we separate ourselves from sinful people? Jesus didn't and I don't think that's what we're supposed to do either. For the purposes of this post I'm not going to get into a lot of theology. Let's just say that I've studied the Bible, love God and have come to my own conclusions based on those two critical factors.

As people with conservative values, or as Christians, should we run or hide when a gay person enters our social strata? Should we be polite but superficial, ending the relationship before it begins?

In my estimation that's ridiculous. Have you ever had a friend who's having sex outside of marriage? Have you ever had friends who lived together before they were married? These are (according to the Bible) sexual sins. More than likely, you didn't terminate your friendship over your friends' choices. If you did, you can stop reading now because you won't agree with the remainder of this post.

In my relationships (built on trust and time together) I have earned the right to speak my opinion. In the spirit of candor and full disclosure, I let my friends know what my religious and political beliefs are from early in our affiliation. They know where I stand and have less chance of saying something that might hurt my feelings or offend me. This goes both ways; I want to know when to keep my mouth shut or when I can expect commiseration. My friends know when I think they are making choices contrary to God's best for them but that I love them any way.

Casual acquaintances may not know how I feel. I haven't earned the right to offer my opinion and certainly don't have a right to judge.That's why it's important to use a bit more discretion when choosing topics with those we don't know well.

I'm an old-school girl, living in suburbia. In terms of TV characters I'd say if you mix "Susan" and "Brea" from Desperate Housewives (much less OCD and anal) along with "Claire Huxtable" (Cosby Show), throw in a bit of "Audrey" (Rules of Engagement) and you'd have a fair representation of me. I'm still a bit uncertain about what to say or do when a gay person enters my world. I'm used to asking about people's marriages, kids, church, jobs and vacations. Guess I can stick to the latter two but that's a bit evasive and shallow. I'm learning.

I want to be known for living out standards that reflect the faith I claim. It's fine to have opinions on what defines sin. In fact, it's important to have moral absolutes as guidelines in our lives but the over-riding objective and sentiment should be kindness and sincerity. Gay, straight or otherwise (?) I hope those that cross my path will believe that I want to get to know them and care about them, not judge and change them. (not in my job description!)

Agree? Disagree? Hit me with your best shot below.

Diane Markins

Trials & God: Holding Tight or Turning Away

2009-03-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Two women I know are going through difficult times. One (we'll call her Jen) lost her 32-year-old son to suicide, experienced the death of her beloved father-in-law and her husband of nearly 40 years, all within the past few month. Over the years she has known other hardships, including the loss of both parents and personal health issues.

The other woman ("Judy") has also known grief. She waited many years before finding "the right man" to marry but after fighting valiantly to make it work, her marriage ended. Single most of her life, she is a consummate career woman; battling for position, security and survival. She has endured a physical problem that causes her to feel self-conscious and she too lost both parents. Most recently she faced the death of a cherished pet.

So much in common, but their responses are polar opposites. Jen is sort of in a grief haze. She is desperately sad and lonely and is struggling to get through each day, but she keeps moving forward. She has invested in the lives of family and friends throughout her life and they are rallying by her side. While she doesn't understand how all this loss could come to her she doesn't blame God or turn her back on Him.

Judy bounced back from her latest loss fairly fast but doesn't have the same vast array of friends and family around her as Jen. She is often alone and lonely. She is angry in general and specifically toward God...even questioning whether she still wants to call herself a Believer.

Jen is taking her time as she processes and experiences the pain, allowing it to come in measured doses each day, then doing her best to take grief breaks.

Judy plunged into the pain and immersed herself there for a week or so, then got back up and is working at closing the door on her hurting soul. She puts on a happy face and appears to be coping well.

We all have tragedy invade our lives; big and small,short-term and sustaining. Our response to those awful times can define us and shape our future. If we don't properly deal and heal from a deep gash in our spirit, all our actions and relationships are impacted. We are less able to be honest and committed if we hold back and protect ourselves.

When crisis and pain hit, we need to walk through the fire instead of looking for a way out or around it, denying it or disguising it (alcohol, anger, etc).

Any tragic times where you've done a healthy job of facing it and recovering?
How 'bout times you've denied or disguised your pain?
Have you ever blamed God?

Diane Markins
Comment here.

Face It: Your Expressions Tell All

2009-03-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at a Suns game with a bored, stony expression as the season slipped away. Guess I won't be wearing orange again 'til October. No playoffs likely. As I glanced forward a nice-looking 20-something man hawking lemonade climbed the stadium stairs approaching our aisle seats. As my eyes were drawn to glance at him, away from the debacle on the hardwood, he caught and held my gaze, and blasted me with a huge smile.

In an instant my face was mirroring his. My husband had also been looking ahead and had watched the man approach, offer me a lingering smile, and pass. He turned to me and kidded, "He really must have liked you."

I said, "I think he just likes to smile." As I sat with that stupid grin on my face it made me wonder why anyone offers an unconditional smile to a grim-faced stranger. I frequently have strangers admonish me, "smile!"...because I am often so caught up in pondering my deep thoughts that I forget there are others in the vicinity. I am not angry or unhappy;,just preoccupied.

Smiling Requires Effort and Intention

I have also smiled at strangers to only have them not return it. It doesn't deter me from doing so again, but makes me sad for the person who is so distracted or unhappy they can't transform their face for a moment.

My point? Live in the moment and be aware of what your face says to those around you. The old saying is so true, smiles are infectious. Offer yours freely and often. You never know what that little offering of kindness might mean.
Are you a sourpuss or do you frequently grin like the cheshire cat? Do you think it matters? Comment below.
Diane Markins

Rewriting Parenting History

2009-03-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

The Evidence is in: Family Videos

"Turn it off!" I pleaded. My husband is converting all our old home videos to DVD and frequently has one playing in the private office we share at our business. Watching my thin, tan, young self at the beach was hard enough but the evidence of my awful mothering was too much.

There I am on Mission Beach in San Diego where our family has spent a good portion of every summer from the beginning. My husband is the videographer and the rest of us are in staring roles. I hadn't realized until I saw this tape again that my character was "Mommy Dearest."

As we carted our junk to the water, 98% of my focus was on my baby girl, only 10 months old. She was like a doll; a new toy. In the background was my four-year-old son. He was adorable in his goofy hat and baggy swim suit, carrying his own giant load of sand toys. But I hardly noticed him. I was cooing and laughing and coaxing the "baby" to do something cute for the camera.

SMACKDOWN FROM THE PAST

Looking at it now I see what a little guy my son was then. (He was always a head taller than otherkids his age but still, he was FOUR!) However at the time he seemed so grownup; like a teenager and capable of so much more than this other tiny child. (This is a hazard all parents face with a second child...even when she's 40 she'll still be the "baby" and he'll be the "big brother.")

He was trying to be patient but just wanted a bit of attention and I threw him a few half-hearted offerings. I uttered some "uh huhs" and some "good jobs!" but no focused attention.

Guilt, shame and regret washed over me like a cold wave in the Pacific. How could I have been so blind? Was this little visual snippet a true representation of my mother-son experience?

THE TRUTH IS SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE

So I asked him. I explained my reaction to this bit of family memorabilia and confessed my need for forgiveness.

"I don't remember it like that," he told me. "You guys were always there and always involved in everything we did. If anything, I feel guilty because we demanded so much of your attention. You weren't able to focus on anything in life outside of our little world for all those years."

Huh! How 'bout that? He thinks he required too much from me and I think I gave him too little. Glad we had that talk. Now we both need to accept that we did our best and things turned out as they should.

(I'm still not too excited about watching my early mothering efforts in HD!)

Do you have any parent/child or child/parent regrets? Comment here.
Diane Markins

Forget Indiana Jones: YOU Clear the Path!

2009-03-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Networking and job interviews can be nerve-wracking. I attended an event recently that was akin to speed-networking. While it may have worked for some, it was most certainly not my cup of java. I need more than a few seconds (five to be exact) to do a brief exchange of names and enterprises. I'm sure the quick handing of business cards back-and-forth can lead to bigger and better things later on but if I'm going to make a connection it needs to be on the first encounter. I did make one valuable contact but it was done by way of a friend's introduction. She looked back and helped me step up.

My daughter is a recent college grad. After getting a degree in education she has decided not to teach. She's felt a bit lost and quite discouraged. Discovering last minute that her alma mater was hosting a career fair, I convinced her to attend. I was eligible to participate as well because I'm also alum. Road trip!

As we entered the conference center we saw young men and women looking like they were about to face a firing squad. They were dressed in grown up attire, carrying brief cases or stacks of resumes; some visibly trembling. My daughter had a few anxious moments but I reminded her we were only there to browse and see what it was like. No agenda. No fear!

I walked up to the woman at the first booth inside the door and began chatting. I asked how she liked the event so far and what positions she was recruiting for. I explained why I was there and introduced her to my daughter, then walked away so they could visit. I continued on ahead and we repeated this exercise a couple more times. I learned so much about those recruiters and did my best to encourage them. Some were almost as nervous as the prospecting students. Some were bored and tired. I joked and chatted and found that many were happy for someone to just visit with. My daughter soon took the same approach and started casually visiting and engaging recruiters in conversation without my introduction.

Kimberly and I had more fun than if we'd been at Disneyland.We laughed and made new friends as we covered that entire room. She was invited to sit down and meet with a lead advisor in the graduate program, which resulted in more inspiration and encouragement.

As we left, overwhelmed and exhausted, we marveled at the number of employers who practically hired her on the spot. Learning that her degree is desirable in many fields and that her experience and personality make her a valuable asset was just the boost she needed.

My daughter glowed all the way home. She admitted it may have been different if I hadn't begun the adventure by going before her; providing a little opening to help her get her bearings and gain confidence.

There are times and occasions when we all need someone to go before us and make the way a little easier. Are you looking back to see who is on the path further behind? Are you offering to give them a hand to move forward? Did someone clear a path for you? Comment here.
Diane Markins

Running from bad Economy

2009-03-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

With the economy sinking like a brick in the ocean, the publishing industry is being hit as hard as any other. People can get most of their news, entertainment and just plain good reading material for free on the internet, so why pay?

A surprising contrast to this is in the area of health and fitness. While many magazines are closing their pages (and their doors) permanently, Runners World, Women's Health and Organic Gardening are experiencing growing circulations. What does this tell us?

I think it reveals a creative pursuit of self-preservation.We can't control the economy; loss of job, overdue bills, rising cost of healthcare and there's nothing very promising on the horizon. What we can control is our own bodies. The doom and gloom of economic indicators make us feel lousy and we're looking for something- anythingt hat makes us feel better.

Perhaps people are finding out from experience that what all those "experts" have been telling us for years is true. When we take care of ourselves we feel better. Running and other intense exercise gives us an endorphin and serotonin boost. Ahh, a natural high and antidepressant. Gardening can help us achieve a Zen-like peace. Eating well can strengthen our immune systems, give us more energy and help our minds be clearer.

It's all about control. Feeling better is within our grasp and doesn't cost much. Most of us can invest in a pair of good training shoes,a few baby petunias to plant and to buy healthy foods instead of Taco Bell. Apparently we can also afford to pay the subscription price for magazines to encourage and educate us on how to do those things better.

"When I hike up the mountain my mind is able to release the demands of the day," says Marilynn Beck. "I focus my attention on the beauty of nature and on how good my body feels in response to the effort." Beck embraces a lifestyle filled to capacity with the three tenets above. She hikes and does yoga, eats as much organic food as possible and surrounds herself with plants and flowers.

"Living life this way is how I show God that I appreciate and take care of the gifts He's given me," Beck continues. "Even when very difficult circumstances arise I don't have to let my emotions hit bottom. I step away and do something that keeps me healthy and positive for myself and people around me."

In tough times it's easy to bust out the Chunky Monkey ice cream, sit on the couch and have a pity party. But according to the subscription surge in healthy lifestyle magazines, many Americans are making a better choice.

If the stress of a rotten economy is impacting your life you can engage in this alternative to desperation and fear. Continue to be wise with conservative spending habits and if you're unemployed don't give up the steady pursuit of a new position. But incorporate one or more of the choices above as we survive this tough time in history together.

Diane Markins

Are you pumping up or slouching down during these challenging days? Comment here.

No Job Joy?

2009-02-22T06:00:00.001-08:00

"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
Oscar Wilde

Peering into a mouth filled with stained teeth and bleeding, puffy gums is high on the list of things I don't want to do. Working at a slaughter house might be slightly above it, but singing in public and bookkeeping are only marginally below.

What some of us consider repulsive, dirty jobs, others find easy and often fulfilling. My friend Marilynn has been a dental hygienist for nearly 30 years and loves her work. She is skilled with those silver tools and cares deeply for her patients. The mere thought of her job sends shudders down my spine.

Another pal, Maggie, is an accountant. While tax season can be—well, taxing—she enjoys her profession immensely and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Several friends love to sing and do it with joy at church or Karaoke night at the local bar and grill. They'd love to get paid to do it; you couldn't pay me enough. I know people who would rather shovel manure than speak in public or write for publication. Hard for me to relate to that!

There is no "good" job or "bad" job from a universal perspective. When we are good at something we tend to enjoy it more than something we struggle to accomplish. Finishing the day with a job well-done powerfully impacts how we view our work. If we do it well and especially if our work is appreciated by others, the appeal of our profession can skyrocket.

Whether you're a mortician or a movie star you don't have to take much time to ponder about your level of job satisfaction. You know immediately when asked about it. If the thought of your job doesn't bring a quick smile to your face maybe you should look at some other possibilities.

Things to consider:

Rate your job satisfaction from 1—10
What do you like most/least?
Is it the specific company, your boss/peers or the actual work you dislike?
Why have you remained for this long?
What sacrifices are you willing to make to find a job you like better?
Do your skills or your training/education qualify you for other types of work?
What would make a job more appealing than your current work?

After giving it some thought (if you decide that you're ready to make a change) give yourself a list of small steps to take and a timeline. Dreading to get up in the morning is no way to live. But also remember that there is lawn work to be done on both sides of the fence, so don't forget to look at the real picture before making any permanent changes.

If you've jumped ship, enjoyed a job others hated or are caught in the trap of a job you hate, share your thoughts here.

Diane Markins

*Please visit CBN.com for an encouraging devotion for parents.

Arguing Can Be Relationship Power Tool

2009-02-17T06:53:00.000-08:00

Most people don't think arguing is a great relationship component but I disagree. In fact, I think arguments can be one of the most powerful tools we have to keep our relationships healthy. Having a good exchange of opposing ideas (with the goals of mutual respect and compromise) can be tremendously helpful. Of course there is a big difference between fighting and productive arguing. Lawyers do it every day.

Unfortunately we don't have the training and discipline lawyers do. Most of us let an issue go and grow before we address it. Then we have bad feelings backing up the "issue" giving it a twist. Instead of a useful argument we launch an attack. While the goals may vary from being right to punishment, they are far from helpful.

We all know by now, as revealed in books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti that the two genders have a gap in communicating styles. I'd like to write a book called Men are Meatheads and Women are Puddin' Pies. Traditionally men are all about the meat; the solid substance, while women are more about the sweet, feel-good stuff. Not always, but that's what science tell us. That's why we have a hard time pursuing and surviving an argument with the opposite gender. When you throw deep emotional connection into the mix, it's all the more challenging.

Arguing with style, grace and purpose can be like poking holes in a microwave dinner before you cook it. It releases the steam so there isn't a messy explosion. Most people know some of the "rules" of healthy arguing but I'm offering my version as a reminder.

Never engage in name-calling (like meathead or puddin' pie)
Don't bring up past or unrelated issues (...you're discussing his spending habits and sneak in a comment about what he DIDN'T buy you last Christmas)
Use "I" messages because your feelings are what validates the point (but don't say "I think you're a meathead" *see first item on list)
Keep your voice under control (the neighbors would rather not know)
Put the discussion on hold if you are angry or irrational
Seek to find common ground, not to win
Initiate and practice healthy arguing so that it becomes second nature and not unusual or difficult
Always hug it out at the end!

If you have a legendary argument story, dish it here! Also tips to add to the ones above.
Diane Markins

Super Bowl; OneTeam and Fans Have Room to Grow

2009-02-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Attending the Super Bowl is a unique and marvelous experience. Having been in Tampa to cheer our Arizona Cardinals on last Sunday I realized the experience is quite different for various segments of the attending population. For the advertisers, football dignitaries and lucky locals, it’s all about the hype, glitz/glamour and ceremony of the game and parties that accompany it.

For the true fans of participating teams, it’s fun, but a passion-filled investment. It costs a load of cash to buy a ticket (ours were in the corner “club” level at $1000 each, face value). Add airline, hotel, meals and requisite memorabilia shopping and cha-ching…it adds up quickly. As season ticket holders from the beginning of their 1988 tenure in Phoenix my husband (Brad) and I, along with his parents (Jim and Nancy Markins) were fortunate enough to be drawn for tickets and are blessed to have enough in our bank accounts to make this memorable trip, especially if we sacrifice another vacation later in the year.

The monetary investment, however, paled in comparison to the emotional output during the game. We watched with dread as the Steelers dominated the first half. Then when Fitzgerald scored our lead-taking touchdown in the fourth quarter, our spirits soared. We were two minutes and 30 seconds away from “shocking the world.” But that thrill was short-lived when the Steelers answered with a scoring drive to win the game. It all happened so fast Cardinal fans felt like the stunned victims of a mugging. (Much the same feelings I experienced in the stands at the '97 Rose Bowl when the Sun Devils lost a last second-imminent victory.)

Aside from the game itself, the host city is nice. Weather is identical to ours with an ocean view. We had a lovely, albeit pricey dinner, at Oystercatchers at the Hyatt Regency, where the Cardinals made their temporary home. We did the tourist thing at Ybor City, Tampa’s counterpart to Tempe’s Mill Avenue. Same rowdy bar crowds and exuberant football fans exchanging friendly trash-talk as they pass on the street. This proved a bit intimidating around town and at the game as Steelers fans outnumbered Cardinals fans about 20-1. Yikes! We heard many people exclaim, “You’re the first Cardinal fans we’ve seen!”

Raymond James Stadium has nothing on University of Phoenix Stadium. The “club level” concourse was carpeted and a bit nicer than other areas. They had various vendor stations set up with more upscale offerings, but mostly it was presentation that made the difference from any average game. The Patron tequila bar constructed from blocks of ice was pretty impressive! The lower level concourse was concrete floors where they sold expensive hotdogs and bottled beer. I felt like I was at Sun Devil Stadium.

The NFL Experience was an extravaganza designed mostly for kids with games and lots of over-sized football trivia. Costumed performers threaded through the crowd on stilts for random photo ops. My father-in-law commented that he once paid more than the $12 he shelled out for a bottle of beer, but it was in Paris.

The experience was truly memorable and worth the time, money and effort expended to make it happen. But there was something missing (aside from a Cardinal victory). Tradition. Steelers fans have songs, chants, established greetings and the “Terrible (yellow) Towels” they waved so boldly at the game. This team was established in 1933 in a town that has generations of practiced fans who know how to inspire their team collectively. Cardinals fans wanted to bond and cheer in a united front but didn’t have an established routine. We’re babies when it comes to fan tradition, especially since so many people are just beginning to catch Cardinal Fever.

The Steelers had no cheerleaders present, yet the fans knew how to support their team in unison. The Cardinals cheerleaders were visual candy for some men and six-year-old girls but did nothing to bring fans together or encourage the team. They did many versions of pole dancing (sans the apparatus) but never proffered signs saying things like “Go Cards!” or “De Fense!” We could have used some people to—I don’t know, lead cheers?

Let’s hope that as this team continues to draw fans and build a legacy, the Cardinals organization wraps its arms around the fans and helps us to present a more united front. We have nothing to be embarrassed about. Our players did the unimaginable. They took Arizona to the Super Bowl. We have a football team to be proud of and a growing base of passionate fans to cheer them on. I’m going to start saving; maybe we can see them play next year in Miami!

Any thoughts? Comment here.

Diane Markins

Nip/Tuck/Pluck...or Not

2009-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

"Appearance is important to old women; not because we suppose it will impress other people, but (for) ourselves."

from Somewhere Towards the End by Diana Athill

Plastic surgery, laser resurfacing, permanent makeup, Wonder Bras...are they ok? They're all about the packaging, not about what's contained inside, right? The lofty moral ground here is to denounce anything of such a superficial nature. But this is one issue where I'm in the freedom of choice camp and I don't think there's any place in the heart of God's people to criticize, judge or gossip about these choices.

Have you ever listened to people bash these "enhancement"choices in a group setting? It's pretty popular to jump on the moral bandwagon (unless perhaps you're living in Los Angeles or New York City) and make harsh judgments. I've watched faces change as people feel pressured to express the same opinion but may have already undergone one or more of these options.They're too ashamed to openly admit it because they fear the label of "shallow"or "artificial".

Sitting at lunch with some friends recently I looked around the table at faces of women whose birthdays are all within a decade of one another and it struck me that a total stranger would never guess this. Some women unquestionably "age" better than others. This is in varying part due to genetics, sun damage and attention to skin care.

Some women are truly not concerned with looking younger or even with looking stylish. They're happy and warm and engaging and don't seem to notice that there is any disparity in women's appearance. Others who are possibly not considered as attractive do care but don't know what to do to make a change.

On the flip side are well-groomed, stylish women who may or may not go beyond good skin products and makeup to attain this result. Some are so preoccupied with their appearance that they forget to be warm, engaging and happy. They barely notice that others are even present.

Those remaining are women who are both; they actively try to be as physically attractive as possible but are also happy. With outward beauty, as with all other personal aspirations in life, there should be joy and satisfaction along the way. When women (or men) desire to be their most attractive but never reach a point of self-appreciation and acceptance they rob themselves of so much peace. It's hard mental work to be so self-focused and yet dissatisfied.

Is it wrong to invest a little time and money in our appearance? My philosophy is that we represent a beautiful God and He created us to be attracted to beauty. He also made us visual people, so there's nothing inherently wrong with this kind of effort. That said; I also believe that more attention should be focused on the beauty of others instead of ourselves and that our truest beauty is reflected from God's light inside us.

This is a controversial subject. I'd love to know what you think is a sign of "too much" or if there should be any limits to our quest for physical beauty.

Diane Markins

Cardinals Legacy: A Character Study

2009-01-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

I hope you enjoy this guest post written by my insightful husband, Brad Markins. It's about the Cardinals' ability/desire to create a lasting legacy, but more importantly it's a character study. Comment about either below.
Diane Markins

My wife and I have been Arizona Cardinal season ticket holders since the bitter beginning of their tenure in Phoenix. With the Cardinals heading to the Super Bowl I'm in football heaven. If this is a dream everyone be quiet so I don't wake! I'm even lucky enough to be headed to Florida to witness this historic event. Win or lose in Tampa it's been a great run, which started me wondering, can we do it again next year? To put ourselves in the best possible position to duplicate the success we've had is to bring back as many players as we can.

Ownership has to open up the check book and players need not be so greedy. I know the Bidwills (team owners) haven't been the sharpest cleats in the locker room but lately they have layed out the cash. Players also need to look at the big picture. I can understand a mid-level player trying to get as much as he can because the $1 or $2 million he gets won't last him a lifetime.

The players I have a hard time understanding are the Big Money guys. Take Edgerrin James for example. He left the Colts after signing as a rookie for seven years and a $49 million contract because he got more money from the Cardinals. He signed here for four years at $35 million. The ironic part is that his former team, the Colts, won the Super Bowl the year after he left them, while James watched on TV. With $84 million, James is either going to make sound conservative financial decisions and be set for the rest of his life, or he's going to follow the path of the Mike Tyson's of the world and be broke. The difference of a few million isn't going to be the deciding factor.

In addition to money, ego is a huge factor for these star athletes. Their salary is typically "slotted" between that of two other comparable players. If they're offered less (because of salary caps or other limitations) they make it clear that they've been disrespected. Their feelings get hurt. I'd venture to say their agents have a fair stake in cultivating this attitude. Are you reading this, Anquan?

What will be sad is when some of these players who jump ship for more money look back and wish they would have stayed the course and maybe won a championship (or hopefully ANOTHER championship). Being a part of a legacy lasts a lifetime; a couple extra mil is arbitrary, especially when they're old and gray.

Brad Markins is the owner and president of A & M NUT AND BOLT in Phoenix. He has lived in Arizona most of his life. He occasionally guest posts and contributes/publishes letters to editors at various newspapers. Contact him at Brad@AMBOLTS.COM

Lion King: Backstage

2009-01-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

We recently had the opportunity to see the touring production of Disney's Lion King. It was breathtaking; flawless choreography, beautiful voices, elaborate sets and colorful costumes.The dancers were talented and energetic and the life-sized puppetry actually inspired memories of being on safari in Africa.

As an unexpected bonus I met a new friend -- a dancer in this show, who took us on a backstage tour. We got to stand on the stage of Grady Gammage Auditorium and gain the cast's perspective. We saw how they suspend the zebras and hyenas on chains to quickly drop onto dancers.We even got to meet the performers out of costume.

Did it ruin the magic? Hardly. Sometimes knowing more about how the show's produced and who's under the costumes and behind the scenes results in even greater appreciation. Knowing that about 100 people tour and nearly 50 people are hired locally to make this spectacle happen broadens the magnitude. More than 15 big trucks haul the set from city to city as it is broken down and reconstructed.

We sat in our seats while this experience enchanted us for a couple of hours. Then (for us) it was over. But the investment of time, energy and talent it took to create this gift is astounding. In our hurry-up, movie-going world, some of this would surely have been lost on me if I hadn't been allowed this little glimpse backstage. The value of my $100 ticket suddenly seemed like an extreme bargain.

It is easy to "buy a ticket" and "sit in our seat" as we watch God all around us. We often forget that we have an open invitation to be behinds the scenes, learning first-hand the investment it takes to make the "circle of life" continue. Take advantage of this magnificent opportunity to fully appreciate the intricacies and investment of time spent listening to our concerns, meeting our needs and bringing comfort. Stand on-stage with THE producer and truly marvel at what He's doing: again and again.

Are you still in your seat? Share what's keeping you there or what got you to move.
Diane Markins

Avoiding Dangerous Living

2009-01-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

Coyotes frequently show up on my street. No, I don't live in the middle of Montana, I live smack in the middle of Phoenix—a major metropolis. But my neighborhood is bordered by a mountain preserve, and since there is no giant wall with a Keep Out sign posted, wildlife and city dwellers often cross paths.

This can present a problem in that many of us city folk have beloved pets stashed away in our homes and yards. We have the illusion that they are safe but the truth is that a coyote can, and will, jump a six foot fence without breaking stride to get a tasty morsel you affectionately know as Mitzy. Red Tail hawks and Great Horned Owls are also out scouting for sustenance and can swoop down from the sky right into a fenced back yard to grab an eight pound kitty or even a ten pound dog. This was recently demonstrated by the fact that Lucy, an 11 1/2 -pound mutt survived an owl attack because she was just a bit too heavy to be carried away.

The common thread is that these predators hunt stealthily for food and don't care about your love affair with it. They also don't know that it is supposed to be protected.

Just as we are lulled into a false sense of security about our pets' safety, we often forget that there are hazards all around us that threaten our existence too. They come in the form of busyness that can snatch our attention from our family; fear that can keep us from trying something new; materialism that can cause us to lose perspective; lust which can damage our marriage; pride which can cause us to put ourselves ahead of others and hopelessness which can diminish our faith and rob our joy.

These marauders are just as treacherous as any wily coyote or cunning hawk. They are also insidious. They sneak up on us and we never see them enter our life but they are a serious threat all the same.

Just as pet lovers in my 'hood have to take extra precautions, there are things we can all do to prevent the destructive powers of skewed thinking. Create a check list and ask yourself these questions periodically:

Am I investing my time in things that matter most?
Do I take action based on fear or faith?
Are there things I love and am not willing to part with?
Is my romantic/sexual attention focused on the right spot?
Do I acknowledge daily that without God and the support of others I'm pretty average?
How successful am I at identifying joy and hope in the midst of trials?

Those questions (and others that come to mind) are the hardware you need to build a protective wall around your heart and mind. Preventing attacks is much wiser (and less painful) than treating a wounded life.

Any personal encounters with one of the natural enemies listed above? I've had plenty! Comment on your hazardous experience or avoidance techniques.

Diane Markins Check out this post as a devotion at CBN:

http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/devotions/Markins_LifesStory.aspx

Waiting and Wondering or Reacting and Regretting

2009-01-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

Beginning a new year is a great time to look at life as it is and consider some possibilities of how it could be. It’s easy to put this off and wait until later…but sometimes it seems that much of our life is spent waiting. In a small sense we wait in line for a vanilla latte, we wait for our car to fill up with gas, we wait for the cable guy to show up (between 8 and 12…ha! usually it’s 12:10).

In a bigger sense we wait to meet the man of our dreams, we wait nine months for our baby to be born, we wait for a job promotion or a pay increase. Waiting is a fact of life on earth.

But are you looking at your own life and weighing how much time you’ve spent waiting? Have you waited (maybe too long?) to make a change, chart a new course or accept an unchangeable situation?

The opposite is true as well. Sometimes we jump in and take action without spending much time or thought on the process or likely results. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m hoping some of you will relate to trying to “fix” a situation instead of allowing God or others to take care of it. Acting too quickly can lead to comedic and sometimes tragic results.

In either case there is an antidote and a way to prevent a repeat. Check in with the God. A LOT! Talk to Him, read His word and get confirming wisdom from a spiritually mature friend. It would look something like this:

“Lord, I really hate my job but am grateful to have it. Thank you for provision. Please bring me clarity about when/if I should take any action to change my circumstance.”

•Then consider why God may have you there and the possibilities of making a change.
•Find a Believing buddy and ask for his/her prayers, insight and encouragement.
•Read in your Bible about people who’ve waited on the Lord and others who’ve taken obedient action. (Jesus has done both.)

When we wait on God’s timing, then take deliberate action, the outcome is likely to be refreshment and contentment. I hope your life is filled with intentional waiting while God strengthens you, then fruit-bearing action when the time is right. Your life story is legendary to its author!

Post a comment about changes you've been waiting to make and what's holding you back or about times you've rushed to change without considering the consequences.
Diane Markins

Blessed Indignity of Modern Medicine

2008-12-28T06:19:00.000-08:00

Whether you squeeze it in before the new year or do it in January, the dreaded annual physical is a necessary indignity. We live in a time and place where health care is, by and large, accessible and scientifically advanced. Can you imagine living during a period in history when there was no cure for the common cold—wait, there's still no cure for that—but maybe before they discovered aspirin for fever or headaches,or antibiotics for simple infections? We are truly blessed.

Yet when I embark on my annual journey of medical maintenance "blessed" is not the first word that comes to mind. First, there is the visit to the dermatologist for my cancer screening. I get naked, lie on a table and let this woman look slowly over every inch of my flesh WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS. She makes little noises indicating that things are OK, until the occasional, "hmmm" which usually results in a precise stream of sub-freezing nitrogen being shot onto various tiny areas from head to toe. She follows that with a few remarks about what a lousy job I've done of protecting my sun-damaged skin. I leave with a blistered face and a bruised ego.

Next I have my blood drawn. This has to be done while fasting, so I don't eat. I read a magazine in the waiting room— stomach gurgling loudly, for three and a half hours (or maybe it was 15 minutes), then sit at a little desk where the nice lady ties a giant rubber band around my arm and inserts a needle. She wiggles the needle and shoves it sideways. I ask hopefully, "Almost done?" To which she always replies, "You have these veins that roll. I never get it on the first try with you!" She pokes many more times, my arm has now been tenderized like a piece of cheap meat, and she announces loudly that she needs "someone else to give it a shot."

The mammogram is truly almost my favorite. Topless, I stand in a room kept at a comfortable 33 degrees Fahrenheit. The 22-year-old Yoga instructor smiles at me and tells me to step forward, hunch my back, point my toes toward the wall behind me, lift my chin and hold my breath while she molests me. (I don't do Yoga...maybe these contortions would be easier if I did?) With both her permafrost hands she tugs, squeezes and stuffs my breast between two pieces of hard plastic boards. She moves away and begins pushing buttons that clamp it tighter and tighter and tighter...then she releases it and we do it all over again. About 60 times.

Naked once again, except for that awesome patient gown, I sit waiting for my gynecologist. He walks in and we exchange a few friendly comments before he sits on a stool in front of me. Suddenly: Go-Go-Gadget-Chair (anyone remember Inspector Gadget cartoon?)...the chair has converted into a table and I'm flat on my back with feet in the air. He keeps chatting about his recent vacation while he's seeing stuff that I don't even want to think about him seeing. My eyes are squeezed shut, teeth and knees clenched. The first two don't affect this examination, but unless I unlock my knees we'll be here all day, so with great effort I do and soon it's over. I'm sitting up again, only to have a repeat of the afore-mentioned molestation above the waist.

My distance vision is 20/20 but not only do I need reading glasses, I am told to get bifocals. The top part for viewing the computer screen and the lower half with more magnification for reading print. Yay! Now I will truly look like someone's granny.

The good news is that my hearing is perfect and I didn't have to endure pain or humiliation to find that out. I am relieved to know that I have a clean bill of health, until next year when I'll be blessed with modern medicine all over again.
Share your favorite doctor visit, medical test stories.
Diane Markins

*On a serious note, after being in parts of Africa where people don't even know some of these tests exist, I am truly grateful that I live in a country where modern medicine is a given.

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

My mom went "home" on December 6th 2004 and I miss her dearly, especially during the holidays. This is a guest post by Joni Corby for those who've lost loved ones, or face losing loved ones this season or anytime.
Diane Markins

For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home. But even when we are home
it may seem like something’s missing.

Some of it has to do with high expectations. The media slams us with images of how to have the “perfect” Christmas…bake the “perfect” cookies, buy the “perfect” gift, start the “perfect” family traditions and how to “perfectly” decorate your house! Okay, I’m starting to hyperventilate already………..

I want to suggest that another reason that celebrating Christmas is never quite as right or fulfilling as we hope is because we aren’t really home for the holidays.

As believers, our home is in heaven. 1st Peter 2:11 says that we are aliens and strangers here on planet Earth. No wonder we feel out of sorts so much. We keep trying to get it right but it doesn’t quite come together. Kinda like going to McDonalds in China. You can still get a “quarter pounder” but something’s just not right about it!

But what will it be like when we are really “home for the holidays” in heaven?

Heaven, Randy Alcorn’s book says, “The Scripture describes heaven as a bright, vibrant, and physical new Earth, free from sin, suffering and death, and brimming with Christ’s presence, wondrous natural beauty, and the richness of human culture as God intended it.”

In 1952, young Florence Chadwick stepped into the waters of the Pacific Ocean off Catalina Island, determined to swim to the shore of mainland California. She already had been the first woman to swim the English Channel both ways. The weather was foggy and chilly; she could hardly see the boats accompanying her. Still, she swam for 15 hours. When she begged to be taken out of the water along the way, her mother, in a boat alongside, told her she was close and that she could make it. Finally, physically and emotionally exhausted, she stopped swimming and was pulled out. It wasn’t until she was on the boat that she discovered the shore was less than half a mile away. At a news conference the next day she said, “All I could see was the fog…I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it.”

For Believers, that shore is Jesus and being with him in the place that he promised to prepare for us, where we will live with him forever. Being an alien in a foreign land isn’t easy. If you are growing weary and tired as you “swim against the current” in our culture, I encourage you to keep your eye on the shore- on Jesus- and picture in your mind’s eye your eternal “home for the holidays”.

Share your stories, memories or comments.

Joni Corby is the teaching director of Community Bible Study in Anthem, Arizona. She lives in Black Canyon City with her husband (of 32 years) Mark and has two grown sons and a daughter-in-law. You can reach her at Joni@MarksBolts.com

* Visit CBN online to read a devotion I wrote about Kurt Warner called "Fallen Athlete" from a previous post here. DM

Desperately Seeking Joy

2008-12-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

Not feeling that Joy to the World? Sometimes life can be hard. Whether we’re dealing with something as huge as a potentially terminal illness or as (comparatively small as) a strong-willed toddler, we all go through times that we’d like to hit the fast-forward button and warp through.

But wherever life has landed you today, there is something in it for you. Even in the most trying times there is take-away value if you endeavor to invest yourself fully and do your best. The Bible says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2

Yeah, yeah, sure! I’m all caught up in my joy when things are going wrong and I’m struggling to remain standing. Well, I guess you can see that it’s a good thing I’m not pastoring a church. I stumble and falter through the tough times…looking and hoping for the joy, but it doesn’t always come easily. The thing that keeps me motivated to seek it is the promise at the end of that verse—“lacking nothing.” If I find joy in the most trying times, that promise always seems to be fulfilled.

At this moment I know a precious woman who is suffering with a long-term illness while caring for her ailing mother and home-schooling her young daughter. Yet she is joyful because she loves them and considers it a gift to care for them. I know a man who recently learned that his brother (55 years old) is likely going to die shortly from cancer. Yet he is joyful that he has a job which allows him to travel across the country frequently to spend time with him. I know a family that has worked hard, served God and been wise with their finances for many years but is facing an uncertain economic future. Yet they are filled with joy because they are OK today.

There is something in those trials for each of them. The trial will end but if they give up, cop out through drugs or alcohol or just wallow in misery and complaining every day, they won’t emerge with the gift they were meant to receive.

Holidays can trigger difficult emotions and bring about trying circumstances, but there is joy to be found in the midst of it. Look around and find the joy, or try creating it for someone else. You’ll surely get a big return on your investment.

Share a struggle you’ve been through where you found unexpected joy. This will encourage those who may be on the same journey. (You saw some of my joy at the top of the page!)
Diane Markins

Got Gift? Meaningful Giving Tips

2008-12-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver. Thomas Kempis, author

“What do you want for Christmas?” We all ask it and we all have to answer it; every year. For many years my husband has told our entire family that he’d prefer not to receive gifts, but no one accepts that. They keep spending their hard-earned cash on funny T shirts or cool gadgets for him. They struggle each year complaining about how hard it is to find something he’ll enjoy, but the gifts keep coming.

As much as he appreciates the reason for the presents (their love and affection for him) he dislikes the waste more. He would prefer our loved ones save their money for a rainy day or put a portion of what they’d spend on his spiffy new air compressor or LED light toward feeding orphans and widows in Mexico or Zimbabwe.

Don’t get me wrong, he enjoys his custom wireless mouse and gift certificates to nice restaurants, but laments that, “Next year, or even in three months I’ll never remember who gave me what…this will all be forgotten.”

But why is no one listening to him, or at least not taking him seriously? Partly because we’ve all learned the same trite response to the afore-mentioned question: “I can’t think of a thing” or “You don’t have to do that.” Mostly though, it’s because they love him and can’t bear not showing it through this time-honored tradition.

For many, especially children, Christmas and Hanukah are all about the loot. We talk a good game about how commercial it all is and that we’re going to “scale back this year” but evidence is to the contrary. Americans go deeper in debt and rush to join the buying frenzy each year for fear of…of what? Having our friends and family doubt that we care about them? Appearing to not be generous or thoughtful? If those things haven’t been demonstrated throughout the year in many other ways, a shiny new toy isn’t going to prove anything.

My husband is fortunate to be surrounded by people who express their love in countless ways all year long and he reciprocates. This is effortless and authentic in contrast to the contrived (compulsory?) exchange during the holidays.

Yeah, I know, I sound like a true Scrooge. A holiday buzz-kill. This is not my intention. My purpose is to remind that love, kindness and generosity—what we call the “holiday spirit” should encompass every day of our lives. Gift away, but don’t go broke doing it and don’t do it to prove anything.

More importantly, incorporate a new tradition of giving to those you don’t know who may truly not have a holiday meal or single present for their children. There are many options for this but one of the best is the Salvation Army. Mail them a check, or better yet, let your kids put some cash in the kettle every time you encounter a bell-ringer. And don’t just give your money, engage in the sacrifice of serving. Volunteer (with your kids or grandkids by your side) to ring a bell at the supermarket, work at the mall to help the Angel Tree project, or serve Christmas dinner.

Mental health experts say this is a great way to battle seasonal depression. Have I reinstated your holiday high? I hope so because ‘tis the season. Again.
For more information or to contact the Salvation Army call Danielle Moore, 602-267-4117, danielle.moore@usw.salvationarmy.org

Any other creative giving suggestions?
Diane Markins

Avoid Holiday Shutdown

2008-11-30T06:00:00.000-08:00

Do you start getting sluggish this time of year? Holiday activity, social demands and family obligations start to take over our lives about now and many of us shut down productivity. I noticed this recently in my email correspondence. Many that I was getting or sending included some mention of “after the holidays.” Like, “I probably won’t get to that until…Let’s schedule that for…Can it wait ‘til…”

This is a challenge to you: Take five minutes from your day TODAY and consider your top three goals for the next few months. This can be personal (fitness, health, emotional), career (increase sales, create new marketing material), ministry (reach out to young girls at church, help single moms during holidays), marriage (increase sex, make time for more intimate connections)…Whatever is looming over you. Believe me, if you are still and quiet for 30 seconds and ask God, He’ll show you the top three.

Next, create three first baby steps toward accomplishing each goal. Then give yourself a manageable deadline for those steps. This will give you an action plan so it isn’t just a wish list that seems too big to get done.

Finally, make yourself accountable to someone. Share your list with a friend, or a whole lot of friends. Group accountability can be great too-- as you share your goals, but especially as you take bites out of the little steps of accomplishment. We all need a swift kick, a good idea or a pat on the back as we make our way toward goals.

I’m on a roll right now and don’t want to put life on hold. I’m not suggesting the holidays don’t slow us down, they often do. But don’t let your momentum come to a screeching halt only to have to pick up and start over in January. Sit down and begin to consider the challenge... this second before the phone rings or you get another E vite or the cat brings in a dead bird or…

Share your "momentum-through-the-holiday" goals! Or are you too busy to think about it?
Diane Markins