Peaceful Families Can Happen: Overcoming Emotional & Physical Abuse

No More Emotional or Physical Abuse!

It was such an honor to be a guest on the inaugural Blog Talk radio program called Peaceful Families Hour on March 18th. Sabrina Evans Laurence, of Red Rose Ministry, worked diligently for a year to persuade the governor of her home state of Maryland to declare an official Peaceful Families Day. That very day, Governor Martin O' Malley handed down the proclamation. Laurence aspires to make this a national decree to help inspire families to turn away from physical and emotional abuse.

I shared about creating and modeling a peaceful family. Far from perfect, my family has fumbled through the years, maintaining peace only because God was leading the way. These are the top ten skills/lessons I'd like to hand down from experience:

· When you argue, learn to "fight fairly"...that means no name-calling, no accusing, no yelling. When things heat up, take a break and return to the discussion later.

· Determine and pinpoint the real issue and don't stray into other topics or older conflicts.

· Remember that winning the argument is less important that winning God's pleasure (be humble).

· Grace and forgiveness aren't optional (to give and to be received). When our loved ones mess up we need to immediately give them comfort. Natural consequences will still occur to teach a much better lesson than our anger.

· Respect is the centerpiece to keeping peace in a family. Earn it and give it liberally.

· Finding purpose as individuals leads to contentment. Contented people are easier to get along with, so pursue being one.

· Keep your eyes on the prize. Shared faith in Christ (by believing His promises, His ability to change things and by following the blueprint for peace layed out in the Bible) can be sustaining. Being on the same page where faith is concerned brings unity and ultimately peace.

· Set healthy boundaries with clear consequences...and follow through. Empty threats never work.

· Never let fear determine your actions or rule your life. When we operate out of fear, we make skewed choices. God didn't give us a spirit of fear but of faith. Make bold, fearless choices to maintain peace.

· HELP! Just like the old Beatles tune says, "Help me get my feet back on the ground." Sometimes we reach an impasse that seems insurmountable. Whether in a tumultuous, desperate family situation or a family that is on track but wants to continue building a model for peace, there are wonderful resources. I've listed some below.

Do you have a peaceful or abusive family story to share? Any tips you'd like to add? Share below.

Diane Markins





Suggested Resources for Maintaining a Peaceful Family

Websites and Supportive Organizations

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/

http://www.graceandtruthrelationship.com/ (Grace and Truth Relationships, marriage coaching & coach training)
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http://www.familydynamics.net/ (Family Dynamics Institute)

www.HealthyChildren.org/">HealthyChildren.org - Family in Crisis


http://www.family-crisis.com/ (Family Crisis Support Services)

Books


Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually by Joe Beam


Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and Fritz Ridenour


His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley


Building the Christian Family You Never Had: A Practical Guide for Pioneer Parents by Mary E. DeMuth

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel


Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman

The New Dare to Discipline by James C. Dobson

John Trent's StrongFamilies